Pleasantly Raising Cain

Last Friday Night

Valkyrie, Fletcher, Skulduggery and Tanith were all sitting around in Valkyrie's living room. The atmosphere had a.... Calming... Vibe to it.

"Do you guys remember last Friday night?" Tanith asked them all.

"Not really, I was drunk remember?" Valkyrie replied.

"We were all drunk Tanith, we can't remember anything," Fletcher said.

"Hey! Not all of us were drunk!" Tanith argued.

"Oh yeah," Valkyrie grinned. "Skulduggery can't drink."

"With what went on last Friday night, I'm sure as hell glad I can't," Skulduggery mumbled.

"Well, we can't remember what happened, so you're going to have to tell us," Valkyrie said, grinning like an idiot and resting her chin on her closed fist. Skulduggery groaned.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes you do!" Tanith exclaimed.

"Tell us," Fletcher said.

"Tell us now," said Valkyrie.

"Ugh, fine," Skulduggery grumbled. "Valkyrie, you put your phone on aeroplane mode and threw it up in the air screaming, "transform damn you!"

Valkyrie frowned. "Well, that explains why there's a massive crack in the screen."

"And Tanith," Skulduggery continued. "You were throwing plastic fish onto the blue carpet, yelling, "swim bitches!"

Valkyrie sniggered and Tanith punched her.

"Not funny," she muttered.

"It kinda is," Valkyrie squeaked.

"And Fletcher," Skulduggery said.

"Oh hell," Fletcher said.

"You were filmed in the back corner of the room, having sex with Valkyrie."

Everyone turned silent. Not a word was spoken. Tanith's jaw was wide open, and Valkyrie was staring at Fletcher, who was looking around frantically for a way out of the house. The sound of a cricket chirping outside made Skulduggery start laughing. Valkyrie glared at him.

"This is not funny Pleasant!" She screamed, launching herself across the room at Fletcher, who shrieked and rolled away, got to his feet and sprinted up the stairs, with an angry Valkyrie hot on his heels. Meanwhile, Skulduggery was still laughing, and Tanith was just sitting there looking absolutely shocked beyond description.

"What's so funny? Don't you realise that Valkyrie has lost her virginity to that?" Tanith asked him. Now Skulduggery was rolling around on the floor. Tanith sighed.

"What's so funny," he said when he'd finally managed to calm down. "Is that I lied! That wasn't true! If that was true I would've broken Fletcher's neck by now."

Tanith's eyes widened.

"You do realise that Valkyrie is probably beating him to death up there right?"

"And for that, I am grateful."

"You can be so mean sometimes Skulduggery."

"I know. But it's worth it. The look on Valkyrie's face was priceless! Poor Fletcher didn't know what to do."

Tanith sighed, and joined him on the floor.

"Wanna do it again next Friday night?"

Now it was Skulduggery's turn to sigh.

"I guess we could do it all again. This time, no sex with Ghastly on the pool table please. And right now, I really am telling the truth."