Pleasantly Raising Cain

Kitchen Disasters

The Dead Men were all sitting around the kitchen table in Valkyrie's house. Her parents were out for the day, and Valkyrie and Tanith had gone out to Gordon's house for a few hours. Now the Dead Men were terribly bored.

"I know what we can do!" Erskine exclaimed, standing up quickly, knocking over his chair. He picked it up silently and turned to face the others. "We should make the girls lunch."

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Dexter muttered.

"Of course it's a good idea Dex!"

"Do you even know how to make lunch Erskine?" Ghastly asked.

Erskine stop up a little straighter. "I will learn soon enough."

"I don't know about this," Dexter said.

"Come on Dex! Don't be a Negative Nancy!"

"Who are you calling a Negative Nancy?" Dexter asked, his voice low and scary. He slowly got up from his chair and stalked Erskine around the table.

"Uh, no one. No one at all," Erskine babbled, and Dexter sighed, before sitting down again.

"There's one problem," Skulduggery said, standing up. "What are we going to make?"

There was silence for a few moments while they all thought.

"What about sausages?" Saracen suggested. "Valkyrie and Tanith like them, I would know."

"Sausages sounds easy enough," Anton replied.

"Let's make potatoes with it as well," Dexter said.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Good. Now, who's going to lead?"

They all looked at him.

"No," he said.

"Come on Skul! You're the best candidate here!" Dexter exclaimed.

"Hey!" Erskine shouted.

"Erskine you couldn't lead if you tried."

Erskine glared, but shut up.

"Skulduggery, you were our leader for all those years. And you still are. All in favour of Skulduggery say aye!"

Everyone at the table said aye. Skulduggery crossed his arms.

"And do I get a say in this?"

"No you don't," Saracen smiled. "Now come on! We only have an hour to get this right! Move it men!"

*********

So far, things had been going pretty well. That was until, none of them could figure out how to cook the sausages. Skulduggery found a saucepan in the cupboard, and that's what they used.

Soon, the sausages were charred and burnt because Erskine had forgotten to turn off the stove.

"You idiot," Ghastly snarled. "You were supposed to be watching them!"

"I'm sorry okay! Geez!" He replied, taking one of the black sausages from the pan and biting into it. Ghastly just stared. "Now that," he said after he'd chewed for a little bit. "Is the most disgusting thing I've tasted in a long time." Then he took another bite and swallowed it.

"Erskine can you just wash the cutlery please? At least you won't be able to mess that up."

Erskine scowled, but he picked up the knives and forks and reluctantly went to the sink. Ghastly shook his head and turned to Skulduggery.

"Are you getting the potatoes?" He asked. Skulduggery stared at him blankly.

"What?"

Ghastly sighed and face palmed. Jesus things were already going bad.