Rose bed of lies

48

Emma pov

My father called to tell me that he be home about an hour after me, I need leave here at 4:45
It's 3:50 the minutes tick by, Zack and I kissed holy crap, Zack and I kissed, how could I do that?
Like I know he kissed me, but why did I kiss him back?

Why does he have to be so nice now, things were easier when he hated me, now hes here promising things that can never happen

My birthday is in a month the day that will be announcing me and Jackson's engagement
I want it all to end, but at the same time I don't,

That would mean letting go of everything letting go of this person that I am, I don't even know how to do that. I don't know how to pick my own clothes or anything. I don't know what to do without direction. without my father, I'm nothing.

I could run away, but he'd never stop looking
I love my father, even if he doesn't love me I can't leave him like that.
I just there's too much, everything's too much. I can't do this. I have no control over anything anymore.

I used to be able to eat something small without breaking down, but I can't even do that I don't understand, my hair is falling out. my under eyes are getting harder to cover, I feel like I'm getting weaker and colder, I don't even feel human anymore, just feel gone

I have to keep everything together. Everything has to stayl perfect, I don't know who I am without it, I am Amelia light, little Miss perfect and Here I am crying over a bowl of blueberries

I can't stop picturing Zack's face. He looked mortified after we kissed.

I don't understand I haven't cried this much since I was a kid. I haven't cried since I was 10.
My mind is all over the place racing from one thought to the next

I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I was still wearing a towel from my shower. I was disgusting. Most of my bruises had cleared up, but some of the burns and scars will never go away. My bones were all poking out, but I still somehow looked too big. I don't understand how that's even possible.

When father sees me, he will be so displeased
nothing like my mother, she looked like an angel, I did something that I hadn't done in a long time. I got down on my knees and prayed, I cried my eyes out, I cried for all the times that I didn't cry. I don't really know how to explain where I am when it comes to religion. I believe that there's a God I want to have a relationship with that God, but I don't really care for all the other stuff like church, it says that God loves us unconditionally
I don't think he loves me, no way he would put me through this if he did, I don't understand I've always done what I was told, I kept my legs closed. I kept my grades up. I was always kind and forgiving. So why is the world so unkind to me?

I started applying make up. I had to cover my face it was puffy red, and tear stained

I put on one of the last few outfits in the dust bags There was the exact number for the days that I was here, but since Zack had gotten me some clothes, I didn't use them all. I wore it with a white long sleeve turtleneck underneath And white tights. I put on my pink pearl heels
I made sure everything's perfectly laid out not a wrinkle in sight, the dress seemed a little big which was crazy. It fit me perfectly two weeks ago. Maybe it just stretched out. Maybe I really did lose that much weight? I mean every time Zack made me eat. I didn't keep much of down, I felt horrible lying to him, but how could I not?

I left my room. I heard music playing in Zacks so I assumed he was in there. It was now 430. I leave in 15 minutes. I knocked. The door opened,  I had never seen him looking so tired before

He looks so stressed out, was it my fault?

"Em" his voice was horse, He was only wearing sweatpants. All I wanted to do was hug him. I wanted to feel his body heat. I couldn't help looking him down until I noticed something by the band of his sweatpants. They hung low. There was small red spots they look like burns, I thought I had seen them before, but he said those motorcycle accidents. It doesn't look like that he cleared his throat
"take a picture it'll last longer" he winked

"Oh really? Let me go get my camera" I laughed

We stared at each other for what felt like ages
"Almost that time" I said with a half smile

He lightly grabbed my hand and pulled me in
And hugged me like he was trying to hold me together, couldn't I just stay here forever in this moment?

"Emma!" Zoe came running,  Zack had dropped his hands from me.

"Hello sweetheart"

"Your driver is here, do you have to go?"
She looked up at me with big sad hazel eyes

"I do my princess"

"But we're gonna play again, right?" she looked up at me and Zack

" yeah of course" I said holding the tears that wanted to fall again

"You pinky promise? She held out her little finger. I wrapped mine around hers I pinky promise. She then kissed her thumb while our pinkies were intertwined and waited for me to do the same. I kissed mine and we stuck our thumbs together.

" there now the promise is locked" Zack came and picked up Zoe

We all walked down the stairs. All of my bags would be taken care of, I stared at the same front door that I didn't wanna walk through when I first got here with the exact same feeling I walked out of the house, not looking behind me and got into the car, Thomas looked at me in the rearview mirror,

"Miss light"

"Yes?"

"Everything will be okay" the only thing keeping from breaking down was how much time I spent on my make up

As we pulled away from the house, I watched out the window. Zack and Zoe were standing on the porch. I don't wanna leave. I don't wanna leave at all.