Lightning Bolt

CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR

MATT'S POV

WHEN YOU CRY, I'LL WIPE AWAY ALL OF YOUR TEARS.

WHEN YOU SCREAM, I'LL FIGHT AWAY ALL OF YOUR FEARS.

I'VE HELD YOUR HAND THROUGH ALL OF THESE YEARS.

YOU STILL HAVE ALL OF ME

Thea woke me with her screams, her body ridged and covered in a layer of sweat, her breathing ragged.

"Thea" I gently placed my hand on her shoulder not wanting to scare her.

She turned to me, her eyes full of terror.

"Darling" I said agonised by her state as I pulled her into me. "Shh" I soothed "I'm here. Shh."

I felt her warm tears run down my bare chest, my heart breaking in two as I watched her grief drowning her.

"Talk to me darling. Tell me what you're feeling and let me help you. Please!" I urged.

But she lay silent in my arms, her body deflating.

It had been like this for the past three weeks, her constant nightmares, waking up in cold sweats with me desperately trying to comfort her.

Through the days she laid on the sofa still recovering from her operation, her expression blank, her body numb, her eyes vacant staring into space.

Something had died inside her. There was no light, her spirit was giving up. She wouldn't eat. She hardly spoke. She simply laid there and every now and again tears would spill from her desolate eyes.

I was living a nightmare.

I didn't know what to do, how to ease her pain. I was drowning in my own grief. The loss of our baby girl leaving a gaping hole in my bleeding heart, the terrible guilt I felt eating away at me.

I wanted to scream out, to unshed my heavy load, to share my feelings with Thea. And I needed her to do the same, to tell me what she was feeling but her barriers were up, shutting out me and the rest of the world, trying to deal with this overwhelming pain all by herself.

Family and friends came to visit, Thea's Mum staying with us but even she couldn't break down Thea's defences.

I did everything I could to make the unthinkable situation easier for her. I sat and tried making conversation with people when all I wanted was to be left in peace.

Nobody understood what we were going through. Not only did we lose our baby but we lost our dream of having our own children too.

I walked around trying to busy myself. If I sat down for too long my grief would come in large waves, suffocating me. I tried to be strong, Thea's rock which I knew she needed but as the weeks ticked by I felt I was failing her. She seemed to be growing worse.