Lightning Bolt

CHAPTER EIGHTY TWO

I'M TIRED OF CRYING, I'M TIRED OF YELLING, I'M TIRED OF BEING SAD,

I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING, I'M TIRED OF BEING ALONE,

I'M TIRED OF BEING ANGRY,

I'M TIRED OF FEELING CRAZY, I'M TIRED OF FEELING STUCK,

I'M TIRED OF NEEDING HELP,

I'M TIRED OF REMEMBERING, I'M TIRED OF MISSING THINGS,

I'M TIRED OF BEING DIFFERENT,

I'M TIRED OF MISSING PEOPLE, I'M TIRED OF FEELING WORTHLESS,

I'M TIRED OF FEELING EMPTY INSIDE,

I'M TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO JUST LET GO,

I'M TIRED OF WISHING I COULD START ALL OVER,

I'M TIRED OF DREAMING OF A LIFE I WILL NEVER HAVE,

BUT MOST OF ALL,

IM JUST TIRED OF BEING TIRED.

"Thea stay with me darling. Oh God what have I done? I love you! I'm so sorry. Hang on! Please hang on! They're coming. The ambulance is coming. I love you, I love you Thea..."

I heard Matt's voice, it was muffled in the darkness, contorted. I could hear his pain but I felt disabled to move or speak. I couldn't feel anything, my body, my emotions, any pain...

I'm floating now as if I was laid upon the Dead Sea. An inky blackness was all around, the desperate voices were fading. I was becoming untethered to my body. It felt peaceful, a haven for my tortured broken soul...

I fell deeper into the hole sinking further, Matt's voice now a distant whisper. My heart needed to be near him, the overwhelming urge tearing it apart but the thick darkness had a hold of me and I had lost all my fight. It was time to let him go...

I stayed laid in my sea of black liquid, floating, calmly. No sound now, just darkness. No thoughts, no emotions, just a universe of oblivion...

Out of nowhere the scene changed.

I was now standing in a tunnel, a very long dark and dank tunnel, the only light was a pin prick away. I tried to listen for something, anything. There was a faint noise in the distant but I could barely pick out the sound.

I looked around at the grey brick tunnelled walls, with algae and water trickling down but there was no sound of water nearby. I tried to reach out to the side but there was nothing, no pressure on my hand existed. It was as if I could slid right through the brick work.

Everything felt dreamlike and very peaceful. I wasn't scared. In fact I felt the total opposite. I felt calm, relaxed in my own skin. There was no temperature here; looking around I was sure to feel cold, and damp but I couldn't feel my skin, I could only feel my presence. I noticed there was no sign of mould or mildew in the air, my nostrils unable to breathe in the smell yet my chest was rising with my full lungs.

I started walking slowly.

I realised my feet were wet, splodging through a small stream of running water but again there was no sound. I couldn't actually feel the temperature of the water, the coldness it should have brought me, I could only see and witness. It was deafly quiet except for the same distant sound I had heard before, near the spot of light which seemed an eternity away now.