Lightning Bolt

CHAPTER FORTY ONE

MATT'S POV

SAY WHAT IT IS YOUR TRYING TO SAY,

BUT IF YOU LIE TO ME AGAIN,

ILL BE THE ONE THAT'S WALKING AWAY.

IS IT IN YOU TO BE HONEST?

"Mum, how did you forgive him?" I asked desperately. "How did you move on from it all? The pain ....," I stopped myself as she looked at me with agonising eyes.

I knew it was killing her seeing me this way. I wasn't going to visit her but I had needed too. I had to speak to someone.

For the past week I had been drifting along in a state of shock. A traumatised wreak after the cyclone that had ripped through my life.

I couldn't breathe, my mind wouldn't work. The over bearing pain was killing me from the inside out. I needed to find solace, a way to stop the relentless torture of the images plaguing my mind and the only person I knew who could maybe understand was my Mum.

"Matt, there is nothing that can stop your pain and as for forgiveness that's only something you can answer. If I had the courage to walk away from Tony in the beginning then I would have saved a great deal of heartache. You need answers, one's I wish I could give you. Talk to her Matt. She's the only one who can help. But please Son don't make the same mistakes as me."

**********

As the week continued the realisation of what Thea had done hit me with a great force.

I roamed around going from bar to bar, drinking to try and at least ease some of my heartache. To burn away the vivid pictures of them together.

His body on hers, his hands caressing her skin, touching her in the places that were meant just for me.

Tears of blood from the gaping wounds of my broken heart kept escaping my dead eyes as I continued to pour alcohol down my throat.

The days were long and when night time fell I eventually ended up at Kate's with nowhere else to go, not wanting to go back home and face Thea. But every time my urge to see her grew.

It would start of small, a niggling feeling which would expand in my chest and when it became too great I finally caved. I would somehow find my way back to her, crawl into bed, take her body making sure the sex was cold and hard while at the same time trying desperately for my heart to find hers again. But it was as if a great darkness had grown between us swallowing our souls into an eternal black hole.

Her ghost was everywhere. She was in every place I went, every face I saw taunting me. Each step I made her haunting shadow followed. I needed answers to so many questions that kept circling my mind.

Why had she opened up to him the way she did? Why did she not come to me? Was I that unapproachable? Why had she shut me out? Why had she not at any point through that night thought of me? When he had kissed her? When he had removed her clothes? When his hands...

I paused swallowing down the bile rising up my throat, blinking back the tears from my sore red eyes.