Lightning Bolt

CHAPTER FIFTY NINE

ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS IN LIFE,

IS FIGURING OUT THE

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE

MATT'S POV

"Matt are you staying for dinner? I'm doing a roast." Kate asked interrupting my train of thinking as she busied herself in the kitchen.

It was a full house today.

Sadie and Steve were sat closely together peeling the skin from the potatoes, Danny opposite rolling a joint while trying to work the radio station which seemed to be on the blink with static noise breaking through every so often, and Rob next to him nursing an ice cold beer looking at the carrots laid out before him deciding whether to pitch in or not and help the others.

I had been here for the past half hour staring at the pine table as they all went about their business, my head full of Thea.

I was seeing her in an hour. She was coming over to my place again apparently to watch another film, but that was a joke in its self.

This would be the third Sunday in a row and each time we sat side by side, our bodies so close yet so far away. It felt like an Ocean between us, the inches more like a thousand miles.

The chemistry that I thought would fade over time was still there, still so real, stifling me, triggering the battle within in me as I tried to resist her.

I didn't breathe a word, in fact I hardly breathed at all. I just sat there taking refuge in the comfort she possessed, feeling the darkness lift from my shoulders. My tortured mind relished in the rest bite knowing full well as soon as she left it would all come crashing down on me. My depression falling from a great height hitting me like a ton of bricks, the pain rising up and reclaiming my body once more.

"No, thank you." I glanced over to Kate who was peering into the open oven with protective gloves on her hands checking the cooking meat inside "I'm seeing Thea".

The room fell deafly silent, all eyes turned to me. Kate's face was a picture of shock.

Thea obviously hadn't mentioned me! But then why would she?

I didn't know what she was getting out of our meetings. Only what I was gaining mattered to me. I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat.

I knew exactly what they were thinking but they were wrong, it wasn't like that. I needed this and I couldn't stop now. I was in too deep.

When I first met Thea I had fallen so hard there was never any escape, something I had to come to terms with even though it killed me every time to see her, to witness what I loved and lost.

I stood abruptly from my chair wanting to escape their scrutinizing eyes and headed straight for the front door.