Lightning Bolt

CHAPTER FIFTY TWO

SEEING YOU THIS WAY,

IS WORSE THEN A HUNDRED BROKEN HEARTS,

AND A THOUSANDS SHATTERED DREAMS

I was laid in bed now with the darkness falling around me.

I know why she had done it. Why Dr Peterson had provoked and mistrusted me. She wanted a reaction. She wanted to see how far it took for me to confront my emotions and it had been to my limits.

She apologised for her tactics afterwards while I sat warily looking at her through red rimmed eyes. She handed me a glass of cool water and let the time run over our two hour schedule giving me chance to process what had just happened.

I pulled my pillow closer to me now trying to stop my unnecessary shaking.

Since yesterday I had been in a mess, a downward spiral. Dr Peterson's words rushing back to me.                                                             

"Did you sleep with him because you were too scared to say no?"                                                                            

This question plagued me, circling my mind.

I was so far under the influence that night I didn't know what was going on but a flash back kept returning to haunt me.

My body laid on the bed with Benson towering over me, a smug look on his face. He was pulling eagerly at my clothes. I felt frightened. My heart screaming at me to stop him. A sick gut retching fear paralyzing me. I laid there closing my eyes thinking of Matt knowing it had gone too far to turn back. I was falling further under the intoxication of alcohol until I couldn't feel anything anymore, my body and mind on the verge of passing out and then the memory fades into darkness.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Silent tears roll along my cheeks as I huddled into myself needing comfort.                                                                                        

Why had I allowed this to happen? Why didn't I stop him? Why had it taken a barrel full of alcohol to unleash my pain? Why didn't I leave the pub and go straight home? Why did I push Matt away? Why didn't I tell him I wanted him to quit his job when I had the chance? And why, oh why did that person that night have to be Benson?

The worse of it all was knowing how I had let Benson get away with it. Here I was broken hearted, battered and torn apart and he was still out there doing as he pleased, still sharing his bed with Aimee. 

I had to do something!!! But I felt so hopeless.

What if no one believed me? What if Aimee chose to believe him over me?

**********

It was a little after two in the morning when my phone rang. I shot up in bed. I had only just reluctantly closed my eyes.

Matt's number flashed before me, the sound of the ringtone like a siren in my ears. Blood surged through my veins, my heart accelerating.

He must be drunk to ring me at this time.