Lightning Bolt

CHAPTER SIXTY TWO

I'VE FOUND A REASON FOR ME,

TO CHANGE WHO I USED TO BE.

A REASON TO START OVER NEW,

AND THE REASON IS YOU

This scenario happened time and time again.

I would turn up at Matt's apartment eager to spend my day with him, to fall into the comfort of his company, when a strange girl would be waiting to greet me.

I needed him. I loved him. And in a sick, twisted way I relished in the torment. It was all I deserved. It was my punishment for destroying what we had together.

What goes around comes around.

I would hold in my breath as I knocked at his door, my stomach tightening, my body shaking. I prayed to God each time for him to be alone.

When the shock and the horror hit me with its full force I tried desperately to hold on, waiting for my emotions to subside enough for me to be able to speak. I would swallow the threatening tears and bile which clawed at my throat and ask him questions about them. I had to know what they meant to him.

Were they simply a one night stand? Sex? A toy to him? Or had he finally moved on leaving me his hostage forever?

I could see his outrage and confusion on every question I fired towards him, his features twisting in disbelief by my actions.

But isn't this what friends did?

They confided in one another even about their conquests, their feelings, and that's all I wanted to be; his friend, his very best friend if I couldn't be the love of his life.

There were a few times when it all got too much and I felt like running away escaping the horrors which lurked behind his door.

Once I stood outside before knocking needing a few extra moments to try and compose myself, when the door flew open, my widened terrified eyes witnessing yet another girl leaving his apartment but this time they had only just finished.

The evidence was too obvious; the blond tucking her blouse back into her skirt, her cheeks flushed, her eyes shining in a way a woman's only does after she has received an amazing orgasm.

Yet there I found him watching me, gauging my reaction, looking for a chink in my armour. He could see the fight I had within myself which reflected in his eyes. He was fighting his own battle too. He didn't want me to go. I knew this like I knew how to breathe. He was punishing me, wanting me to suffer seeing how much I could take.

**********

Matt's new business adventure was now underway and already it was thriving like I knew it would be. He spoke to me openly about the long hours he had to put in through the week and even on a Saturday resulting in little time for himself.

"It's tiring but I guess it's paying off" he shrugged.

He still didn't have that spark within him when he talked, his enthusiasm for life now dulled.