Lightning Bolt

CHAPTER SIXTY SEVEN

IT'S TOTALLY FUCKED,

I'M TOTALLY FUCKED,

WISH YOU WERE HERE

I plunged further into my depression with the end of yet another failed relationship.

I threw myself into work trying to bury my thoughts.

The business had started strong keeping Tom and I very busy, working long hours through the week. He no longer had to carry me. We were fifty-fifty now, equal partners. But I knew I would always be grateful for those first few months when he had taken me under his wing and put everything upon his shoulders for us. I would never be able to thank him enough.

I knew I should have been proud of myself for my recent achievements, excited with this new adventure we were embarking on, but instead I felt empty, lost to any joy.

When I wasn't working I walked round aimlessly dropping into bars drinking heavily, visiting Kate and my friends but no matter what I did Thea was always there with me, her shadow haunting me, her ghost staring back at me round every corner.

I started going to the gym trying to channel my emotions into a worthy cause rather than staring down into an empty bottle but it was no use. The only thing I achieved was a healthier appetite and toned muscles which I didn't care for.

What was the point? There was no one to impress now.

As soon as my hair started to show any sign of length I would rush to the nearest hairdressers and have it shaved completely off down to a grade one, not wanting a reminder of what Thea had always loved about me.

This was where I met Naomi, my next attempt to rid Thea from my heart.

Naomi ran her skilled fingers through my hair, her eyes seeming to watch my every move in the reflection of the mirror as she went to work.

She was slim, very slim, with long blond shiny hair, tanned skin, blue eyes. But just like before with Jessica, nothing compared to the mesmerizing depth of colour Thea's possessed and the power in which she held behind them.

Naomi's appearance though didn't really matter to me. I already knew there was no one else out there who could win over my desire like Thea. Her beauty was exquisite, out of this world with no one ever coming even close. A fate in which I had resigned myself too.

I had tasted heaven and now lived with the bittersweet aftertaste. Second best will be all I know from now on.

I had asked Naomi out on a date awkwardly straight after she had finished skelping me, with uncertainty and doubt gripping my dead heart but to my surprise she agreed.

That was now five months ago.

At first things started well or as well as could be expected for a broken man still trying to rebuild his life, but once again I found my heart wasn't in it.

I still felt like a reject of life. Thea had chewed me up and spat me out leaving me with deep insecurities, my scars on show for everyone to see.