Lightning Bolt

CHAPTER FORTY TWO

MATT'S POV

YOU KNOW IT'S NOT ENOUGH FOR ME,

TO HEAR YOU SAY YOU'RE SORRY

I stared at the scan picture of Sophie, rubbing the pad of my thumb gently over it.

I used to have it all and now I have lost everything. First my beautiful daughter and now Thea. I was too weak of a man to have held on to either of them.

Since we lost Sophie our relationship had been difficult. We had hit hard times, our grief throwing us off balance. We had been drowning in the thickness of it all but each day I had been on her side, had fought for us determined we would pull through together and not once had I dreamt about turning away, even when I had the opportunity.

Yet Thea had willingly falling into the arms of another. A man I had warned her about, a man I despised! She had done the one thing she knew I couldn't forgive her for.

I lowered my head grabbing at my hair willing myself to feel differently.

She had seen me as a monster, a man capable of blaming her for a miscarriage, an act of nature!

How could she see me in such a way?

The worst of it all was how she had shut me out making me feel useless and unworthy. I had begged and pleaded with her to let me in but I wasn't enough, she had turned to him instead, Benson.

I swallowed down his name almost choking on it.

She had slept with him, letting him take her body and mind, discussing our relationship, sharing her feelings with him and in the process destroying everything we have ever made together.

I didn't know her anymore! She wasn't the women I had fallen in love with. The Thea I knew would never have betrayed me like this.

I suddenly felt Kate's arms wrap around me "Hey" she said soothing me as my silent tears rolled down my cheeks. "I'm sorry I'm late. Rob text to say he let you in but he's had to dash off for a meeting".

She sat back pulling me at arm's length, examining the state I was in.

"Matt" she said full of concern "I'm so sorry."

I shook my head in desperation "I don't know what to do Kate! I don't know if I can forgive her, that's if she even wants my forgiveness. I'm a mess! I can't think straight!"

She threw me back into her warm arms holding me tight not breathing a word. She knew there was nothing she could say to help, she simply gave me all her comfort and silent support.

**********

Night time fell.

The room had been dark five minutes previous, until Kate had switched on the lamp beside me but I couldn't move. I didn't acknowledge her, didn't thank her. I just sat knocking back the Jack Daniels. I was now over half way through a bottle staring at the blank TV screen, my mind slowly numbing.