Consistent Love

Chapter 66

Manuel's POV:

I honestly cannot even begin to describe to you how I have been feeling these past months I have to say, these last four months of my life really have been the hardest. Since the second I walked in on Marco and Ana, fucking in his front room on the sofa, to finding out that both of them had been seeing each other for a while behind my back, all to the fact, of how she is pregnant with his child, I have been a mess. I have been such a mess, that, I have not known what to do with myself in the slightest. You could say that with the time Ana and I were only to have known one another is not long at all, that it is not long enough for me to feel in such a way as I do now. But that is not the case, it really is not as I had already fallen hard for her.

Back then you could have said that I imagined my future to be with Ana, for the two of us to grow old together and have children together, but we all knew from that moment due to all I saw that this was not going to go any further. No matter how strongly I felt for her then, no matter how hard I had fallen for her, there was no going back. I knew the history she was all to have had with Marco, how far they went back with each other – to High School – so to be all of that honest with you, after that, I could not trust her. When trust is broken with me if I do say, there is no going back from it. Especially with what Ana did, there was no way. To be honest, maybe, if she was not pregnant with his child, then, things may have been different.

Despite me feeling in this way towards Ana though, there is a small part of me which hoped the child she is carrying inside of her stomach, was mine. Time and time again I have started to imagine what it would be like, what it would be like to be a father with Ana's child. But all of that came to a dramatic holt when I came to the realisation that her baby is not mine, it is Marco's and there is nothing I can do about it. Each time I see pictures of the two of them in public, with her growing and ever so large baby bump, a part of me dies inside. A part which cared for Ana, came close to loving her, and, realising that she is no longer mine, but, is his.

I cannot keep dwelling on the past anymore, of what may and could have happened, as that is out of my hands and forever will be. The one thing I can do is move on with my life, try, as hard as I can, to block that bad chapter out of my life and start a brand new chapter which is not to be full of hurt and torture over the past. And, honestly, I really have, taken a dramatic step in doing so. A step which I never knew I would be able to take if I am honest with you in this moment, but, a step, which I am proud and happy with being able to take it. It has taken a lot out of me, coming this far over these few months but I know this is all for the best now.

Anyway, checking myself in the mirror here inside of the bathroom to my home again, while I pulled at my tie, trying to straighten it out. However, it just did not seem to be going all in a way which I wanted it to go. And, if I am completely honest with you, it was really starting to frustrate the hell out of me. "For fuck sake." I muttered in a mix of both frustration and, also annoyance. Loud enough for Marcel my brother to hear what I was saying from him being in my bedroom. He finally popped his head around the door, to see all what was going on now in here, just as I was irritatingly pulling my tie apart. "This fucking tie, this tie really is a piece of shit." I threw it down onto the counter in front of me, and breathed out, hands on there.

"Manuel just calm yourself down, it's just a sigh." Marcel sighed, putting an arm around me.

"I know alright, I know Marcel." I sighed heavily to myself, running a hand over my face, and then through my hair, completely forgetting that I had just messed my hair up a little. "But, I just want to look my best for tonight." Swiftly answering back, I glanced up at myself all that way inside of the mirror, fixing my hair. So, as I did so, I saw how much I have changed in the last few months. Has it been for the best, or, for the worst? I really was not sure. "I'm just so nervous...so fucking nervous, and, uh, scared." I turned, leaning against the counter all while I felt ashamed looking away from my brother. As the truth is right now, even though he is to be my brother, I really did not want him to see me, like this. I was too proud, ever so proud.