[the avengers ➼ imagines]

bucky barnes ≫ monster

Eyes that once shone brighter than a summers day were now deep pools of pain and despair. The once happy man was now nothing but a trapped soul. His happy aura was now gone, never returning. The real Bucky was trapped inside, screaming to get out but no matter how loud he screamed, no one could hear him.

There was no hiding the fact that Bucky's PTSD had triggered something in his mind again, causing him to go into a total lockdown. He wouldn't let anybody in, not you, not Steve, no one.

Your once happy-go-lucky boyfriend who didn't have a care in the world was now completely empty. Physically he was there but mentally and emotionally he was gone, far far away, farther than he has ever been before.

Your heart broke every time you felt the distance between you get farther, it made it harder and harder for you to reach out to him. All you wanted to do was to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but that was a promise you knew you could make. Bucky's history made it almost impossible for anything to ever be okay again. You knew that it was wrong to make promises you couldn't keep.

You lay in bed, eyes fixated on the ceiling. The dark room was slightly illuminated by the moonlight that had managed to seep through the curtains. The sheets that had once cocooned you were now flung across the cold wooden floor. The red numbers on the alarm clock flashed, the time changing to 3.37am. Another minute added to your sleepless night.

Tears slowly fell down your face, your lip trembled ever so slightly. You reached out your shaking hand to the space beside you. It was cold and unoccupied. The crisp bed sheet sat untouched. You picked up the pillow, Bucky's pillow, and lifted it to your face. His scent could still be smelled, even after all the nights he hadn't rested upon it.

A grunt sounded from the lounge of your home, followed by a thud, then a shout.

"No. Leave her alone." Bucky's strangled voice broke your heart one bit at a time. You sat up, putting your slippers on and your bed robe before heading out to the lounge.

Bucky was flailing around on the couch, a pained expression on his sleeping face. "I said, leave her alone!" He shouted, tears beginning to fall from his tightly closed eyes.

"Bucky." Your voice was no more than a whisper. You received no response from him. You walked closer to him, setting yourself beside him. "Buck, come on, wake up." Your voice was louder this time.

You yelped out in pain as his metal arm grabbed a hold of your upper arm. His grip was tight, very tight. "Bucky." You moaned in pain. "Bucky, that hurts, stop it." Still no response.

His other arm came up to grab your wrist, pulling it into an awkward position. You couldn't hold it in any longer, you let out the loudest cry of pain, your voice was strangled and filled with tears. "STOP IT."

Bucky abruptly sat up, shock etched all over his face. His eyes landed on you, he saw the bruises that were forming where his hand previously had been.

"Oh my god." He began to move as far away from you as possible. "I'm a monster, I'm a monster."

"No. It wasn't your fault Buck. You were having nightmare, you didn't know what was going on." You tried to wrap your arms around his shoulder but it only resulted in him flinching away.

"I can't believe I hurt you. I ca-I can't do this." He stood up, hurrying to the door. Your eyes followed him, widening when you realised what he was doing.

"Bucky, please don't leave me." You cried, getting up to follow him.

"I'm sorry (Y/N), but this can't go on. One day I'll end up hurting you a lot worse. I can't risk that. You deserve someone better than me, someone who can give you a better life. I'll love you forever. Goodbye." With that he was gone, disappearing into the night.

"But I want you." You whispered, even though you knew he wouldn't hear you. Your heart slowly broke into a million pieces.

That was the night that you had lost the last piece of James Buchanan Barnes. He was now officially broken.
____________________

Sorry this kind of sucked and I'm also sorry that it was really short, tbh I'm sorry for the whole imagine altogether. But I really wanted to update. Hope you enjoy it.