Perfect Imperfections ✧ Syndisparklez

Chapter 18

Jordan's POV

My face got hot, I could practically feel my ears smoking. I opened my eyes. He was still kissing me, but his eyes were shut tight. I felt my hands grasp onto his shirt. I held onto him. I didn't want to loose him. I didn't want him to leave me, I didn't want this to end. For once, I felt safe. But then I looked in the mirror.

I ignored my image, because my eyes darted to the man in the doorway. The familiar man, about my height, stood there. His vibrant pink hair was tangled, and his glasses were missing. His tired eyes quickly widened. He shut the door.

Tom pulled away. It felt like someone had punched me in the chest. My eyes flooded with warm tears. My mouth went dry. I quietly gasped for air.

"Jordan, I'm sorry, I d-don't know why I did that I... Jordan?" Tom asked. His words sounded distant, even though he was standing right in front of me.

Mark just saw us kissing. I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe.

"J-jordan?" Tom grabbed my shoulder.

I could feel my legs start to shake. My stomach turned. I finally could gasp for a breath.

"Jordan? Jordan talk to me!" Tom said, shaking me.

The room was spinning. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest. It felt like the room around me was on fire. It felt like I was dying.

Then I threw up. I luckily turned to the toilet first, as not to get any on Tom. My throat burned. Mark just saw Tom and I kissing. What if he tells someone? What if he-

My knees gave out beneath me. I felt the cold hard ground bounce off of my skull as I hit the ground. I shook violently.

"Jordan! Fuck, Jordan!" Tom was screaming now. Tears poured out of his eyes.

The familiar feeling of not being able to breathe returned. I curled myself into a ball.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I finally shouted between my gasps for air.

"Jordan? You need-"

"GET OUT!" I shouted. How could I have gone to feeling so safe, to feeling like I was dying in an instant.

Tom finally ran out of the room. I knew that if he had kissed me again, the feeling of safeness and content would've flooded over me again. But I knew he wouldn't kiss me after I had thrown up.

I grasped my chest, feeling it squeeze and contract. I tried to push the invisible force off of my chest. I wanted to breathe. I wanted to cry for help, I wanted to die, I wanted this feeling to be over.

My head was pounding. I reached up, and felt a stickiness mixed with my hair. My fingers frantically searched my skull. I found it. A large cut in my head. I tried to lift myself off the ground, but I was too weak.

I hoped I would just bleed out here.

My vision got blurred. I panicked. I lied. I didn't want to go yet, I wanted Tom, I wanted to go home. I looked into Mark's bathroom mirror, and looked back at myself. I looked weak, I was pale, with dark circles under my eyes. Then my vision darkened.