Perfect Imperfections ✧ Syndisparklez

Chapter 21

Tom's POV

Tucker and Sonja already left, so I tagged along with Mark and Jordan. Everything went fine this afternoon, so Jordan was released to go home. Mark drove us to Jordan's apartment, and we helped carry Jordan's get well soon gifts up to his room. Mark brought his backpack full of clothes and toiletries.

Mark tweeted on Jordan's phone that he would miss the stream and that he was back home from the hospital.

We all sat in Jordan's living room together.

"You need to get a dog, Jordan," Mark said. "They're good company."

"I'll think about it," Jordan said.

I was still hurting. The way Jordan yelled at me last night. I wanted to make him realize someone cared for him. I looked at his tangled hair. Mark had brought him green shorts and a Markipler shirt to wear out of the hospital. I wanted Mark to leave so I could apologize to Jordan.

I remember coming home after dropping Jordan off in the ambulance. Arin had to drive us back to Mark's place. We had to clean up Mark's bathroom. It looked spotless when we were done.

Mark turned on the radio. 21 Pilot's Stressed Out was playing.
'But now we're stressed out,' the radio sang to us.

"Same," Mark joked.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out.

Everyone went very silent.

"I um, I'm gonna go set up your room Jordan, Tom you can come get me when you're done," Mark said, leaving quickley.

Jordan looked at me with wide eyes. "I'm sorry," I said again.

Jordan scooted closer to me, and turned the radio down a little bit.

"Why?" he asked.

"For causing all of this, for kissing you even though your straight, for ruining our friendship, fo-"

Jordan had kissed me this time. I wasn't prepared for him to kiss me. It ended all too quickly.

"It's okay. It's my fault I had a panic attack," he started to laugh.

I didn't laugh with him. My face was stern.

"That wasn't your fault. You couldn't control it," then it really dawned on me. Jordan kissed me. Kissed me. On the lips. Not on the cheek, on the lips, just like I kissed him.

"Wait, you just kissed me," I said.

"..yeah," Jordan said. He began to blush.

"So you're... you're,"

"Gay? Yes, Mark is the only one who knows. I told him in the hospital,"

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked him.

"I tried to, twice. The first time you were crying, and the second time we got pulled over," he explained.

"You were going to tell me?" I asked.

"Of course,"

"This is great, we gotta tell Tucker and Sonja and the fan-"

"No!" he interrupted me. His face got very red. "No, I don't wanna tell anyone," he mumbled.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because, I like to keep my personal life and youtube life separate. Besides, what if everyone reacts like... like your dad did?" he asked me.

"Then fuck 'em! Mark didn't react like that did he?" I asked him.

"No.. Why do you care if I come out or not?" he asked. That hurt a little, but he was right. Why do I care?

"I-I don't know," I could tell he heard the sadness in my voice.

"I'm sorry Tom. It's just, I'm not ready yet, okay?" he asked me.

"Yeah, I get it," I told him. "I'm glad you told me," I said, giving him a hug.

There was silence.

"So, what were those kisses?" Jordan finally asked.

"I really don't know."