One Big Mistake

Ch-27 Guilt

I had spent a day and a half sulking and feeling like an idiot for getting close to Cole. It will always be a joke to him. Despite knowing that, I still don't know what to do. Do I forget about him or do I try to maintain a strictly platonic relationship with him so my boys can form a bond with their father? No matter how hard I try HE messes it up. I don't want the twins to suffer from his ignorance and carelessness.

I told my mom everything except the part where we had sex again. She doesn't need to know that because I can't go through her shutting me out again it's just too much to handle on top of the issues with Cole and also my dad shutting me out.

She holds a strong dislike towards Emily and Cole and I suppose she always will. I feel totally betrayed by Emily. She has seen me several times and told me to my face that she hopes everything is going great and then she starts those horrible rumors. I don't know if this is her payback for getting knocked up by her boyfriend but it is mean and I hope she is guilty for writing what she did. As for Cole, if he even has a guilty bone in his body, we will never know.

I looked out of the kitchen window when I heard a car. It took a minute for it to come close enough to the house so I could identify it. It's Cole. I stared out of the window in disbelief. Doesn't he think he did enough damage already?

"Mom!" I yelled to where ever she was. She came rushing down the stairs faster than a little kid.

"What's wrong?" She asked frantically. Woah, mama bear is in full activation.

"Cole's outside," I told her and pointed to the window.

"Oh my goodness, what a relief. I thought you were in labor," she chuckled slightly. I was in too bad of a mood and too upset that Cole was outside to laugh. She placed a hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "I'm going to make him leave," she said and I smiled a thanks. I went upstairs to avoid any contact with him.

I hurried into my room and shut the door. And before you think it, no I am not running away from my problems.

I heard his footsteps on my wooden porch and then my mama open the door. "Mrs Dawson is Jessalynn here?" He asked. I could hear because I had my window open and was listening intently.

"Yes she is here Cole but she does not want to see you," my mama said sternly and went to shut the door.

He stopped the door with his hands and begged my mother to let him in. "Please, I really need to apologize to her," he explained. "Please."

"Cole she doesn't want to speak to you and frankly I don't either, so if you would leave I would appreciate it. Jessalynn should have forgotten about you sooner," mom said angrily.

"She can't forget about me. She's carrying my sons and when they are born I have a right to see them," he defended himself.

"Oh but they might not be yours according to your letters. You are a sorry boy that needs to learn how to be a man," she spat and slammed the door. It did hurt me in someway to hear my mom arguing with the father of my babies but other than that she did well.

"Jess I'm sorry let me explain!" He yelled up to my bedroom and I really wanted to say something but I knew I'd better not. "I didn't believe that stuff," he hollered desperately and I began to cry. He needs to leave. "I shouldn't have said those things or let her say them either. I know I was wrong!" He sounded nearly defeated.

"Cole if you do not leave I am getting my husband," my mom threatened and I hoped that he would take the hint and leave because my dad doesn't mess around with Cole as we know from earlier experiences.