One Big Mistake

Ch- 61 Heartache

One Week Later

Today I'm going to try food shopping with the kids by myself. I'm not even sure if it's possible but I've been avoiding the store too long. I haven't been asking for help from either my parents or Carly and Fred because I know that these babies are my responsibility and sometimes I ask for help too much. With Cole gone I have gotten a taste of what it's really like being a single mom of three children under two.

This morning was the first shower I've had in 4 days because I finally got the babies naps to align and you can bet my shower was only 5 minutes because of how worried I was.

Cole and I have talked on the phone a few times, I guess he's doing good there. Its just irritating that I'm doing all of the work and he is living states away like we don't even exist. I knew that would irritate me when he left but I just hope he can find himself and shape up sooner than later because our babies need their father. He texts me about twice a day to see how they are doing and I send lots of pictures. Tonight I am going to try to FaceTime him if it doesn't get too chaotic around here.

The boys are at the very destructive age where they throw and get into everything and Gracelynn hasn't been sleeping past 5:30am. Yes, to answer your question, I'm slowly falling apart. I guess I never really appreciated how much help Cole really was but he should still be here.

"Jaxon Charley you put that down now! Naughty!" I yelled from the fridge as I headed to Jax. I set him on the countertop as I was pouring his juice a minute ago and he crawled to the other end and grabbed onto a lit candle in a jar. "Give it to mama," I ordered and he shook his hand excitedly letting it fly from his finger.

Hot wax hit my face and covered his legs. When it hit the ground it shattered and I ran to him as fast as possible wiping his legs with a dish towel as he let out an ear piercing cry. I couldn't even feel the glass cuts on my feet or the hot wax on my face because of how worried I was about him.

When he finally stopped crying his legs were red and I held him close with his head in the crook of my neck. I am a horrible mother. That was all my fault for not thinking. I rubbed his tiny bare back and kissed his cheek causing him to sniffle.

"Mommy is so sorry Jax," I told him and rocked him to sleep on the couch until Gracelynn started screaming for food again. I swear I just fed her. I had forgotten how often newborns eat.

"Ma ma ma ma," Josiah babbled at my feet and I rubbed his head of hair with my hand before carrying Jax into his room and placing him in his crib.

On the way there I noticed horrible stinging in my feet and remembered the glass all over the kitchen floor that I didn't clean up. I ran into the living room and scooped up Josiah before he made his way into the kitchen. I put him in my bedroom with cartoons on and tended to Gracelynn who is still crying.

Cole called while I was sitting down breast feeding Gigi. "Hey," I answered through the sting of the pain in my foot. I would take a pain medicine but breast feeding is just as annoying as pregnancy regarding rules and regulations.

"Hey Jessa" he said through the phone and I took a deep breath, trying to release the want to unleash on him due to the overwhelming day I've already had. "What are you guys up to?" He asked.

"A lot this morning. Jax spilled hot wax all over himself and I and then the glass shattered too, luckily it didn't cut him but I stepped on it. Josiah is just being a toddler and Gracelynn won't let me stop feeding her," I described quickly and wiped Gigi's mouth.

"When are you going back to work?" He asked and my eyes widened at his nerve. I just told him how overwhelmed and stressed I am and all he says is when am I going back to work?