One Big Mistake

Ch- 7 Moodswings

The truth, and reality, hurts. So we lie... to everyone, but especially, to ourselves.
~Unknown

She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad. And that's important.
~Marilyn Monroe

I looked over the shopping list one last time. Check, check and check. Oh and a little something extra for me, ice cream. It's a requirement at this point. I'm drooling just looking at it.

I paid quickly. One, because I really wanna get home and eat this rocky road. And two, because I still hate socializing with anybody and everybody due to the amount of guilt I sustain when people look at me. It doesn't help that I know nearly every inhabitant of this town.

I threw the receipt in the bag and walked out the automatic opening doors into the humid air. "Jessalynn!" I heard a desperate voice call out to me. I turned my head slightly and noticed Emily jogging towards me.

As much as I want to apologize and talk to her, I can't in my condition. I will break down and feel so terrible for the father of my babies being her boyfriend.

I kept walking as if I didn't hear a word. I heard her shoes clicking on the asphalt as she neared me. "Jessalynn! I know you hear me." She grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face her. I immediately stared at my feet to avoid eye contact with her. "Jessalynn I'm not mad anymore."

"Please Emily, yell at me. Scream at me. At least pretend to be angry. I deserve every last bit of it." Her eyes immediately saddened to match mine and she took her hands off my shoulders and rested them at her sides.

"Jess." Her voice cracked and she wrapped her arms around me pulling me into a tight comforting embrace. "You don't deserve that and you definitely didn't deserve what I said to you at your house. It's been eating me alive. I'm so sorry Jessalynn." I kept my arms limp at my sides.

I didn't mean to seem like I was snubbing her, but I couldn't find the strength to do anything other than cry. Not to cry because I'm relieved she forgives me, but to cry because I am so overwhelmed with negative emotions.

"Don't... Just stop." I pushed her off of me, not in a challenging way. "Why Em? Why do I deserve your forgiveness? I just want you to know that I am so so so sorry and I hope your happy with Cole and he treats you right." I shot her a smile that was so unfamiliar to me now. I climbed in my truck and buckled in.

"No Jess, you stop." She opened my door and stood where I couldn't drive away. "I know it wasn't just you. Cole is every bit as responsible as you and if I forgive him, then there should be no reason I shouldn't forgive you." She was standing her ground like I've never seen her before. "I miss us hanging out." The whole time she was giving her spiel, I was looking out the other window, failing to restrain tears.

"I'll see you at church." I started my truck and she backed off. I pulled my door shut and drove to my house, because surely my mother would be wondering where I am with her groceries.

Just when I thought I was having the first relatively good day since I found out I was pregnant. If anything I should've went to Emily with a thousand word apology, not the other way around. She's not the one that was making out with my boyfriend in a very sexual manner.

The rest of the day consisted of me returning to my bedroom like a hermit the rest of the night.
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"Ella please sit down and eat." I cradled my face in my hands stressfully. Ella hopped around the dining room rambunctiously. That's the fourth time I've asked her.

"Ella sit down now!" She looked at me fearfully and plopped in her seat. I looked in the kitchen to see Cole amused by my outburst. God I want to kick him in his family jewels so hard. Therefore he could never ruin another girls life by impregnating her and also to see him in writhe in pain.