One Big Mistake

Ch-42 Still No Sign

"Oh come here," Hannah entered my bedroom and saw me sitting on my bed with red, puffy eyes. She pulled me into a close hug as I sobbed into her shoulder.

"He hasn't visited the boys in four days," I murmured into the fabric of her sweater. "They are ten minutes from where he lives yet he can't bother to visit," I cried. She lightly rubbed my back and gave me a tight squeeze.

"He is not a good dad Jessalynn. You can't change that," she tried to convince me but I can't help but feel like it's because of me.

"What kind of parent doesn't bother to visit their kids when they live so close? I don't understand it Hannah!" I stammered. I think this time I really hate him. How could he do this to my babies?

"A bad parent," she replied and handed me a tissue.

"I can't do this alone," I began sobbing again. I can't care for two infants by myself and provide everything they need.

"Hey, yes you can. You shouldn't have to but you've been doing it since the day they were born and you've done a great job," she encouraged. I guess she's right. I've done it without Cole this far already. I just never wanted to have kids that didn't have a good connection with both parents.

"I'm sorry I'm crying right now. I know this is your visit home," I sniffled as I tried to dry up the tears and push the topic aside.

"Don't be sorry Jessa. You should cry it out. I'm here for you, you know that," she hugged me again. "Now where are those sweet nephews of mine. I need to give them loves!" She asked with excitement. She looked around, not seeing them in their bassinets.

"Paisley has them in her room," I answered as I wiped my nose and looked down at my hands. I hate crying. I'm supposed to be strong, I'm a mother.

"Jess, don't cry over him. He is not a good parent," she told me and I squeezed my eyes shut to hold back a fee leftover tears that threatened to from my puffy eyes.

"Everybody will sit here and tell me he is a bad parent. I know that- I know that he is. But what am I supposed to do about it. That's what I need help with," I sighed and wiped my eyes with my sweater sleeve. I honestly cannot think of any solutions and that's my major problem.

"Come live with me. Get out of here. I know it's our hometown but really, it feels great to be somewhere different. A new environment just creates so much motivation and energy," she suggested and I immediately shook my head no.

"That unfortunately isn't possible," I shut down the idea. I'd love to live with Hannah and initially that was our goal before I got pregnant.

"I'm serious. Don't think you'd be a bother to me. I'm asking you because I want you to move in with me. I want to do this for you," she said as she plopped down on the bed beside me again.

"Hannah, you are a broke college student and I'm a single teenage mother. That would never work," I explained. I don't see how it could work. I don't even have a car.

"That is the kind of thinking I want to get you away from. It could work if we really want it to and I want it to," she grabbed my arm and shook it. "Please think about it!"

"I can't take the boys away from Cole," I said legitimately and thought about Cole again.

"He wouldn't even know you moved because he never visits them." She has a point but still I want him to have the opportunity to visit them.

"Hannah, it's more difficult than that," my shoulders slumped as I sighed.

"I think it's as simple as if you want what's best for the boys and a chance at experiencing life, you will move in with me. You can take classes at the college and work towards a degree. Jessalynn, it's what you've always wanted," she started to get confused at how I was turning down the offer. "Talk to your parents about it," she told me and I nodded. I love Hannah and I know she is trying to help but she doesn't understand how tiring it is to live with two infants.