One Big Mistake

Ch-63 This Feeling

I smiled at the reunion of my babies and their father. Cole is wearing a smile too. The boys recognize Cole and are already interacting with him but Gracelynn obviously doesn't have any memory of him at her age and she won't let him hold her. I feel bad for Cole because he looks so hurt by his daughter not wanting him but it's really only his fault for leaving during this stage in her life.

I breastfed Gigi on the couch while Cole played with the boys on the rug in front of me. These are the moments that Cole can make me so carefree and happy. He has Siah laughing hysterically at the animal noises he is making while on all fours.

"Where's your boyfriend?" He asked, so early into his visit. I don't want to start this jealousy thing already.

"You know his name," I stated with an eye roll before looking down at Gracelynn to make sure she's okay.

"Yeah, I do. Do you want me to take Gigi?" He questioned while getting up off of the rug.

"If you want, just let her finish eating," I answered. There was a knock at the door and I remembered that Luke was coming by on his way to drop Bonnie off with her mom. "Speaking of my boyfriend. He's here. Quick, will you throw me that blanket?" I asked him as he handed me the small receiving blanket that I covered my chest with while feeding.

Cole laughed and I didn't know why. "You guys haven't done anything have you? He can't even see your boobs?" He teased. Okay, that is a little strange from an outsider's point of view, I'll admit. I don't care if Cole see's me breastfeeding our daughter. We made her. But with Luke we haven't had anytime to even sneak in 5 intimate minutes. There is always a kid that needs something and I'm still a little self conscious of my postpartum body.

Luke opened the door with his key and shut it behind him and Bonnie. Cole walked over and shook his hand. "Wasn't expecting you here for another week," Luke pointed out, firmly gripping Cole's hand in a shake.

"I wanted to surprise Jessalynn and the kids," he mentioned and turned around, walking into the kitchen.

"Hi Jessa!" Bonnie ran over to me and crawled up on the couch.

"Hey beautiful," Luke greeted me, making me smile as he leaned down and pecked my lips. He sat down next to me, putting Bonnie on his lap. "We have to leave in a few minutes, I just wanted to come by and see your beautiful face," he explained, making me blush. He makes me happy, simply happy. No complications, besides when Cole involves himself.

He only stayed for a few minutes and showed no jealously towards Cole. He is really such a great, great man who is patient and kind. I've never even seen him get mad, not even when I told him that Cole had gotten me pregnant while were dating.

"So what's Luke doing tonight?" Cole questioned while all of the kids were down for their first naps of the day.

"He's spending the night," I answered with no hesitation, I don't know why Cole is so infatuated with him. Not to quote Taylor Swift, but We are never ever getting back together.

"Okay perfect, then you don't mind if I take the kids over to my moms tonight and watch them? Give them some solo time with dad." He suggested and I immediately objected the idea.

"Gracelynn is too young to stay the night away from me and we are breastfeeding. She doesn't even know you. She'd cry all night," I worried and gave my rationale.

"You start work again in a few days, you are gonna have to be away from her. Besides, I'm her father, of course she knows me," he argued and I tried to drop the subject. Gracelynn is just too young. "I think you're just afraid to truly be alone with Luke."

"Cole this isn't about something stupid like that. It's about being a mother to an infant. I have unspoken responsibilities to do every day when it comes to being a mother. I can't just not be with her overnight. I would probably have a panic attack. She's barely three months," I expressed with great concern in my voice and I think he finally got it.