The Girl Nextdoor

Chapter 74

Camila's POV

As the countdown for prom had commenced, I went on the rest of my days building up the nerve to ask Lauren, but most of all, say the right words to express that I was ready. Ready to love the right way. And although it took me a month after our talk, I finally understood her actions.

I spent my nights tossing and turning trying to conjure up a reason to forgive Lauren for hurting me. A reason to give into her nonsense about self-care and individuality. And I eventually came to see that reason. But most of all, understand it. And the very next day, I accepted my admission to UCLA and decided that I wanted to leave Miami to follow my dreams, even if that meant leaving people I cared for dearly and loved. I guess I just realized that I didn't want to look back on my life in a rocking chair, 364859574 years from now and regret wasting my youth when the opportunity was right in my front of me. For a long time before then, I lived my through a series of safe choices. I worried too much about the future and too little about my current aspirations. I decided that being a doctor was the only way I could make it in this world. And the person who decided this, was the same person who planned to go all through high school without telling Lauren Jauregui that she was in love with her. She was pathetic and afraid. But I decided that I didn't want to be that girl anymore. I was done with making the safe choice, because that is the very fear, that causes you to forge your own path and tricks you into thinking that you really want something else. But to hell with that.

And so, weeks after realizing this, I continued to say nothing. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to tell Lauren, but it was hard.

I practiced millions of arrangements of words and phrases but nothing sounded right. The words just...didn't seem to come.

So as I stood there, in a sparkling silver dress, two-inch heels, a face of makeup, and my hair done elegantly up, I stared at my reflection. I realized that this was the night. The night I had dreamed of for years. The night I hoped that Lauren Jauregui would finally notice me and fall for me at first sight.

But the me back then watched way too many movies. I had unrealistic fantasies about being with the green eyed girl. Fantasies that just seemed too good to be true. But the funniest part is, I had Lauren Jauregui once.

And I had her in the way I never thought I would. That very intimate way that one could only hope to experience.

Love.

And sometimes, if we're lucky enough, we get the opportunity to experience it more than once. But if one things for sure, there's nothing like loving the same person you fell for the moment you remembered you were human again; a human with feelings and a hunger for a connection that the rest of humanity searches for their whole lives.

Lauren had easily become my first love and continues to be the love of my life. She had become everything to me in a number of days. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't help but keep her in my heart. She only wanted what was best for me...for us. And even though she hurt me in the process, I know now that she did it to make sure that I could live a full and individual life. One separate from the one we created together. That very sense of self that can easily slip right through your hands in the sight of love.

But if this separation taught me anything, it's that when you love someone, you can't allow that to change who you are, your goals, and what you want from life. You were a full complete person before them and you will continue to be that same person after them. The same person they fell in love with. And by recognizing this, I have come to see that she had not only blinded me from my sense of self, but became the only thing that could help me remember what it was like to be me again. And that's the crazy thing about love. It can change you. Shape you. And even remake you. Sometimes for the better.