Serenity's Curse to Chaos (KN - Castillo Series #3)

Curse 33 - Our

"Ahhh..."

Staring at Chaos right now made me remember what I was feeling back when daddy asked me why I wanted to join Zeta.

Dad was sitting behind his mahogany table, eyes are staring coldly at me while we are both in his study. Tandang-tanda ko pa kung gaano kalakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko habang tinatanong niya ako kung bakit. Wala akong maisip na dahilan pero alam ko kung bakit ko ginagawa yun, and that is because I want to escape from everything.

I'm tired of being blamed by my mom's death, I'm tired of being ignored by everyone, I'm tired of being in a house with people that I call family but doesn't even treat me like one. Gusto kong makawala sa lahat ng sakit na naidudulot ko sakanila knowing that I also caused them pain - unintentionally caused them pain.

Gulong-gulo ang isip ko nun at manhid na manhid ang pakiramdam ko. But I still managed to open my mouth and tell dad the truth, I said I wanted to be in a house where I can call it home. I wanted to be in a place where I can be accepted no matter who I am and what I did. I wanted to be in a place where I belong.

Oo, punong-puno ako ng kaba habang pinapaliwanag yun kay daddy. I am expecting harsh words from him but he just simply nodded and dismissed me. I know, he's cold, he treats me that way. I might be expecting more from him but I'm glad that he respected my decision.

And so after that day, I can never forget how the truth set me free.

Kung hindi ko sinabi kay dad ang totoo, malamang ay nasa bahay parin nila ako. Araw-araw na nararanasan ang pang-aapi at naririnig ang panlalait nila, lagi kong mararamdaman na hindi ako parte ng pamilya nila, at lagi kong sisisihin ang sarili ko.

Telling the truth to Chaos might not have the same outcome as telling it to dad but atleast I tried, knowing that I won't be carrying a lot of burden anymore.

"Serenity!" He shouted, he looks so frustrated. Di ko man lang namamalayan because I was spacing out. "Are you okay?" He breathes. "Tell me... please."

I swallowed the growing lump inside my throat. "Akala mo hindi ko napapansin but I can tell that you've changed. A lot. Especially on how you act whenever I'm around." Halatang-halata sa bawat salitang binibitawan niya ang desperasyon. "Tell me, is this still because of that night?" Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang braso ko at bahagyang nilapit sakanya, his eyes are focused on me. "Akala ko okay na. Akala ko okay na tayo. Why the hell are you still acting so weird?!"

Unti-unting namumuo ang mga luha sa mga mata ko. I can feel the sting in my eyes while looking at how frustrated Chaos looks. "Sander..." I called him by his name in an attempt to calm him down. "Okay lang ta-"

"Fuck Ren, please tell me the truth!" He cuts me off. "Please tell me, because I can't sleep every damn night knowing that I did something wrong to you!" He pleads like a child, he is so lost.

Hindi ko na napigilang hindi mapaluha. Unti-unti na akong binalot ng konsensya habang tinitingnan siya at pinapakinggan ang mga sinasabi niya.

Hindi ko man lang naisip na sa bawat pagp-plano ko tungkol sa pag-alis at pagtago sa bata ay may isang tao akong hindi pinapatahimik. I was too busy trying to run away from the mess that I got into without knowing that it also affects Chaos.

How funny that I am planning to keep all these a secret so that I can't hurt others but the truth is I already caused a lot of damage even before starting it. How ironic.

How stupid can I be?

"C-Chaos..." I sobbed. He was taken aback nang makitang umiiyak ako, his grip on my arms became loose. "I'm so sorry... Sorry kung nagbago ako, I'm so sorry if I can't look at you straight in the eyes after that night. Hindi kita matingnan ng maayos kasi alam kong isang sabi ko lang ay tuluyan nang mababago ang magandang buhay na matagal mo nang pinaplano para sa sarili mo."