New York- Where Dreams are Made

Chapter 36- Listen and Learn

I lay awake staring at my ceiling. Katie snored loudly and her phone buzzed about every five seconds. I groaned and turned onto my side. I bit my lip. My mind wandered to far places asking questions I didn't exactly want to know.

What is up with Anthony ?

Was he drunk or something?

Why in the hell did he kiss me?

I grumbled and threw off my covers. I put on jeans and a shirt. I grabbed my phone and a key. I laced up my Vans and went our for a walk. The small numbers on my phone stated the time was 3:12 am. I steeped outside our apartment building into the warm night air. My feet took small steps. Not a soul inhabited the street in front of our building. I walked until I reached a tiny green bench. The moon was full and the air was warm. I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped. I threw my head around and saw a familiar face. "Alexander!" I moved around the bench and hugged his neck. He was about four inches taller than me but I stood tall. "What is it with you and late night walks?" He asked playfully punching my arm. "Got a lot on the mind." I said pointing to my head. He laughed a little then stared at me for a moment. "Are you ok Charlotte?" I smiled and nodded. "Yeah. Why?" He looked at his shoes. "I was just worried. With the whole hospital thing and stuff." He fiddled awkwardly with his hands. "I'm fine. Promise." He looked back up at me and smiled. Then he held out his arm. "Here. I'll walk you home." I took his arm and we made our way through the slightly lit street to my building. I stood at the door and unlocked it with my key. "I guess I'll see ya around then..." He smiled. "Yea you too..." And he was gone. 

The next morning I banged on the door to the dorm the boys were sharing. Katie was out with Mitch and Angel without me for some reason so this was my shot to talk to Anthony alone. I waited a moment then knocked again. Chris answered the door. His hair was messy and his eyes were tired. They lit up when he saw me in the doorway. "Hey Charlotte!" I gave him a quick hug and said, "Can you send Anthony out for a while?" He nodded and disappeared for a moment. Anthony came back dressed and cleaned up. I could see the white bandages seeping out of his sweater. In July ? Poor kid. He smiled sadly. "Hey Charlotte. " I shot him a serious look. "We need to talk." He fidgeted for a moment then followed me to my room.

I made him coffee from the machine and sat on the couch. "Anthony you have to talk to me about this." I reached for his hand. He took a small sip of coffee. The flame that burned brightly in his eyes had been extinguished. He was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry I did that. I'm sorry I kissed you. But I.." He stumbled over his words. Tears began forming in his eyes. "It's ok don't apologize." He sniffled. "I just knew Kaydance was your best friend...and I..." He sobbed quickly. "I couldn't do anything about it. I thought she was gone. I felt like it was my fault. I couldn't help and I couldn't keep you from leaving. It seemed my whole life was falling apart." He choked. I snaked my arm around his shoulder. "It's in no way your fault. And it's not real. She's ok remember? She just wanted to escape." I said in my calmest voice. He shook his head. "And I couldn't protect you from Megan." I sighed. "We don't have to worry about her anymore Anthony. We're here and we're together. It's all ok now." I said. His whole body shook and I feared he might flip out. I reached behind not grab a blanket. I wrapped it around both of us. I took his injured wrist. "Let me take a look. May I?" He nodded. I unwrapped the bandages carefully. His entire forearm was slit and sliced in so many places. I held back a scream. I ran my fingers over it with moth like gentleness. "How long have you been doing this?" I asked. "Ever since you left after the ceremony for Kaydance. " his words broke my heart. His usually happy and lively voice was low and sad. He was broken and I didn't think I could fix him.

We sat in silence for a long moment until he looked at me. "Charlotte?" I smiled softly. "Yes?" His face turned bright red. "Can I tell you something?" His voice livened up a tad so I kept it going. I nodded but looked away from his face. His eyes were breaking me so I looked out the window. "I love you Charlotte." My blood flow stopped. I threw my head to face him. His eyes were looking down at his hands and his face burned red. I smiled. And spoke the most true words I had ever spoken. "I love you too." He smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck. My eyes couldn't help but find his cuts. Why? I knew why. He told me why but why him? He was so innocent and loving. He never hurt a soul. And yet I found him, Anthony, my best friend last night trying to take his own life. And I hated myself for not seeing it sooner.