New York- Where Dreams are Made

Chapter 188- Majority Rules

My legs eventually stop moving.

I don't know how far I ran.

But I'm at a place I don't recognize.

Im on a bridge.

Cars zoom by.

They leave behind clouds of smoke and pollution.

I sigh and turn around.

The water sparkles nicely.

I rest my elbows on the railing and rest my head in my hands.

The sun begins to set slightly over the horizon.

I don't have time to think.

The tears fall too quickly.

I lean over the side a bit just to see tears fall from my face into the water hundreds of feet below me.

I guess I've done one thing right in my life...

Running mindlessly to this bridge.

I take out my phone, wiping away tears and sniffling.

Addie, Darren, and Jessie have all left multiple texts and calls for me.

I scan though them just out of curiosity.

Addie- WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU CHARLOTTE !!?!??!??!??

Darren- Where did you go?!

Jessie- Are you alright?! What's going on?!

Addie- 6 missed calls

Darren- 3 missed calls

Jessie- 4 missed calls

A tiny part of me wanted to believe them.

A slim part of my brain told me to go back.

Go back and wait for Mark to get out.

Go back and spend time in your homeland.

But the rest told me to do something else.

Majority rules.

I tried to stand back up.

My knees knocked and I stumbled again.

I used the railing to pull myself up.

This is it, Charlotte.

You could actually quit being a pussy and do it.

I steadied myself and glared over the edge.

Car lights passed by occasionally making it brighter.

I choke down some tiny sobs and closed my eyes.

I wrote letters in my head.

Marcus,

I hope you know about this pretty soon, but not too soon. Be good, kid. Get better. I love you.

I cough and shiver a bit, shoving more tears down.

Jessie,

I haven't known you for long, but you remind me a lot of my mom. I'm glad Marcus has someone like you. Thank you. Take care of him.

Cars honk at me.

My legs wobble.

I have to grip the railing until my knuckles turn paler than Addie.

Speaking of...

Addie,

Hey girl sorry about this. It kinda sucks and all but you'll get over it. You're Addie ! You can do anything! I hope you can do better than me, and not give up. Don't dwell on this too long, okay? I love you.

I scoff at how poetic I sound.

God I annoy the fuck out of myself.

Darren,

God. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for getting you shot that one time. I'm sorry about everything. I can't fix the past. But I can fix your future. Please forgive me. I love you.

I take a gulp of air.

The cold makes me shiver and causes my eyes to burn.

Tears spring to my eyes.

They pour even more.

Just when I thought I couldn't cry anymore.

I take a deep sigh and continue.

Katie,

I'm sorry about not being there for you. I couldn't do it. I'm sorry. I'm not strong enough to deal with this. I don't know how you did it for so long. I guess you'll tell me won't you?

My chest felt heavy and tight.

I gasped for air, coming up empty.

I cough and wheeze.

Mom,

I'm sorry. I say that a lot. I'm sorry. I know this will make you sad, but I just can't do it. I can't. You told me I was strong and that I could do it but I can't. It's better for everyone this way. I love you. See you soon.

I gulp.

Is that everyone?

I guess so.

My stomach is in knots and I have no idea what to do.

My head tells me to back the fuck away from the edge and go back, but like I said earlier...

Majority rules.