New York- Where Dreams are Made

Chapter 86- When She Cries

I stand alone in the theater. The silence is deafening. It has been about a week since Daveeds funeral. Addie never came to work. I tried to give her space.

She probably didn't want to see me.

She probably hates me now.

I hope she can forgive me some day.

Darren tried to talk to her. She yelled at him.

She yelled at everyone who came to see her. Everyone except me went to see her. (And Daveed obviously). She yelled at Leslie, she cried at Lin, she wouldn't speak to Oak, she pushed Anthony away.

She's gone.

The spark in her eyes has become dull.

She hates everything.

She hates me.

I could have helped some way.

I don't know how but I could have helped.

I decide to sing to him. I could do son much more, but I believe singing always helps.

"This goes out to a special person in my life." I pause and wait for the echo. I set up a mic in the empty auditorium. I hoped that if I wore a mic he could hear me from Heaven. I know it sounds silly but it's true.

"I didn't realize it at the time. I can't forgive myself for how I treated you, so I don't really expect you to do the same."

Silence.

"It's just...I don't even know...Just listen..."

I hum a tune to myself.

"Little girl terrified, she'd leave her room if only bruises could heal. A home is no place to hide. Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels. Every days, the same, she fights to finds her way she hurts, she breaks she hides and she tries to pray. And she wonders if anyone ever hears her when she cries."

I pause letting the words sink in. My voice quivers slightly as I brace myself for the next words.

"Today she's turning 19. Everyone singing but she can't seem to smile. We never get past arms length. How could we act like everything's alright? She's pulling down her long sleeves."

I stop. I try desperately to push the thought of Addie hurting herself out of my head. It keeps coming back. I push it away. It returns harder. I open my mouth to sing again.

"To cover all the memories that scars leave."

I take a deep breath.

"She says, 'Maybe making me bleed, would be the answer that could wash the slate clean.'"

Warm tears roll down my face.

I hope you can fucking hear me Daveed.

"Every days, the same, she fights to finds her way she hurts, she breaks she hides and she tries to pray. And she wonders if anyone ever hears her when she cries. This is the dark before the dawn. The storm before the peace. Don't be afraid cause seasons change."

I take another deep breath, trying to push away horrible images.

"God is watching over you...he hears you. Every days, the same, she fights to finds her way she hurts, she breaks she hides and tries to pray. She'll be just fine. 'Cause I know he hears her when she cries..."

Tears roll down my face quickly. I make a weird sobbing noise and stop singing.

"I love you, Addie Blue. I'm sorry."

I have tried.

I've done what I came to do.