Little Wonder (Phan)

Chapter Twelve.

I haven't been in a state of severe depression since the 19th of October, 2009. But as of now, I could, with 100% certainty, say that I was in a complete state of severe depression. I hadn't moved for almost 2 weeks, barely eaten, only getting up to use the bathroom, and the straight back to bed. I hadn't even been watching TV, just hiding under my duvet, willing and wishing the world to go away, to leave me alone. For all of life's problems to disappear. Or for me to.

No one had come by, people had tried to call me. Eve, Louise, even Zoe. She wasn't one of my close friends, but being super close to Louise made her one of my friends in my close knit circle of friends. But every day, those numbers seemed to be dwindling. Curling up tighter, I tried to block out all the noises from the outside world, trying to find my happy place.

But there were dark thoughts in my mind that were drowning me, and I didn't seem to be giving much of a fight, not even struggling for my freedom. For my chance to resurface, to breath. I wanted to drown, to never open my eyes again, to never having to worry again. But sometimes, life worked in mysterious ways. Without my current knowledge, someone bounced onto my bed, and I gave the loudest sound I'd made in awhile, which was pretty loud. Peeking out from my duvet when I finally got the courage to, I was quite confused on who I saw.

"Up, up, up!" Clapping at me, I only groaned and rolled my eyes, hiding back under my duvet. "Hey, no more wallowing in your own self pity, mister. Get your ass outta bed." I tried to kick them, but of course, they dodged it with experience, ripping the duvet off of me, to which I screamed again and wrapped my arms around myself. "Oh, and get dressed."

Shaking my head, I refused to look up at them. "Go away, Mae." But she refused, tugging on my arm. She may be a small person, but damn, was she strong. I was on the floor before I even knew what happened. "What the hell are you even doing here?" Glaring at her, she glared right back at me. She had never put up with any of my shit, and I doubt she would now.

"Get off your ass, Howell." She scoffed, holding out her hand, to which I eventually grabbed and pulled myself up, easily towering over her, but I might as well have been looking up, because I was downright frightened of her at the moment. I'd never seen her look so serious in my entire life, and it was pretty hard for her to be serious at any moment. At some point I just sat back down on my bed, with her sitting at my side in an instant.

Putting a hand on my shoulder, she looking up, kicking her legs back and forth. Her height allowed her to do that, even though the distance between the floor and the edge of my bed wasn't that far. "Louise called me." Ah, that explains what she was doing here, but the second she punched my arm, I knew there was gonna be a hell of a lot more to this. "And why the hell didn't I know you had a kid? I mean, aren't I technically their Auntie, or some shit?"

Laughing softly, I rubbed at my arm, nudging her a bit. "Aren't you supposed to be in college?" When she gave me no answer, I knew I'd won that certain argument. Leaning back on my arms, I let out a small sigh, not even focusing on the fact that I was still in my boxers, it's not like Mae would even care. She wore boxers all the time, and I never cared. Eventually, she looked back towards me, her odd coloured eyes watching me intently.

"I was filled in on what happened, and then made up the rest. From what I know, Phil cheated on you, right?" With a small nod, I suddenly looked down, but that didn't stop her. "I also know that you haven't been in contact with him for a few months, even restricting him any contact with Winnie, which, by the way, is a stupid choice. Am I correct?" She would be correct, again. "Okay. Have any idea how you can fix this mess you're in?"

Shaking my head, she massaged the bridge of her nose, before looking back at me, waiting for me to voice my thoughts, and I knew I wouldn't get away with being quiet. "I don't think there is a way I can fix this. I'm just so angry at him, he knew he was my entire world. The whole fucking reason why I'm even here anymore, and now Winnie hates me and my entire world is crumbling away, day by day. And I just wanna die. You understand me, Mae?"