Little Wonder (Phan)

Fifty-Three.

"If I ever came out, it's not going to be something extravagant." I didn't know how we'd gotten onto this topic, but now that we were here, I wasn't ready to just drop it. Phil was watching me intently, listening with his full attention focused on me. We were lying in bed as Winnie got up and ready for today, we were going out for awhile, as a family. "It would be subtle, so hard to tell apart from what I do already." I smiled, giggling at my thoughts. "They would do a double take, having to wonder if I meant one thing or another, it would be amazing!" I threw my arms up into the air, kicking my legs up and down like an excited child. I really was a child at times.

He was playing with my side, tracing patterns into my skin. "So, like. It would be in a video, right? You would just do something, and then never talk about it, and let people just figure it out on their own?" Exactly. Nodding, I poked his nose and giggled again, today was a good day, but that might be because I'd actually gotten enough sleep for once. I'm all caught up. I knew that was just a lie, but it made me feel better about myself for now. "You say you don't like to start up drama or be in the middle of it. But if I didn't know any better, I'd say you almost get off on it." My cheeks flushed quickly, and he poked my cheeks. "I'm only teasing."

"I don't get off on it, you weirdo. But I won't deny that I like the feeling it gives me. I know it's kinda weird, but it's almost satisfying for me." I squeezed my hands into fists, grinning and rolling around, looking up at him like an overexcited child high on sugar. "Like maybe I'll just kiss you, lips, cheek. Doesn't matter, and then never discuss it. Or, if I do, act like it's nothing out of the ordinary, you know? Really rev them up!" I sat up, to excited to lay down anymore, and looked down at him. "I think that would be the perfect way." Leaning down, I pressed my lips against his, smiling sweetly at the goofy grin that appeared on his lips afterwards. Dork.

"Papa! Daddy!" Winnie came out of nowhere, jumping down in between the two of us, and looking up with her light eyes, there was practically stars in them at this point. "Let's go! I want to get some sweets! And I want to try and get the birdies again! They can't get away from me forever!" She gave an evil little giggle all of her own, and rubbed her hands together. She couldn't look any less evil at any point in time. "So come on!" She grabbed our hands and tried to pull us out of the flat, but we stood our ground. I picked her up, letting Phil grab what we would need, pecking his lips along the way, and making our way towards the front door. "I don't need to be carried, papa! I'm a big girl! I'm 6 years old!" She was right, she was 6 years old, her birthday had passed by already. And that meant I was almost 27. When had she stopped being a baby and gone an grown up on me? I set her down, allowing her to put on her own shoes, and grab her jacket, smiling up on me. She really was growing up on me.

Phil came up behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist, looking down at Winnie with pride in his eyes. "She's so grown up and beautiful, look at her." He must've read my mind, because he'd just put it at ease, and I nodded knowing it was a good thing. "She's gonna grow up to be a beautiful, amazing woman, and you know it." He was whispering in my ear, gaining a confused expression from Winnie, but he didn't take the time to explain as he left me and went to grab her hand. "Let's go, sunshine." She giggled and skipped, looking back at me.

"Are you coming, papa?" I was shook out of my own thoughts and nodded, grabbing my coat and zipping up my shoes, smiling down at her as I patted her head. "You're always spacing out, papa. What are you thinking about?" That was a big question, but then again, she was 6. And she had always been an observant little girl. I shook my head, I didn't need to bother her with my thoughts. They weren't anything to her, just silly thoughts, and realizations that life was going by fast. Faster than it'd ever gone by before. And if I didn't hurry, I'd be left behind.

We got into the car, and I waited for Phil to put her in her car seat. We'd changed it awhile back, she didn't need the full one anymore. She could support herself. "Hey. Are you alright, Dan?" Phil gave me a worried look as he got in, buckling himself up, and waiting for me to start the car and get us going. But I froze. I didn't even respond. I was just thinking how much of life had already been lived, and how much I had left to live. I was in a bad state of mind. I felt him grab my shoulder, and give it a squeeze, kissing my lips until those thoughts were nothing but a faint memory. "Hey, it's gonna be dark before we ever get anywhere. Let's go."

"Right." I smiled at him, starting up the car and making sure I wouldn't back up into anyone before pulling out and getting out onto the road. She was going to be driving in a few years, that was a scary thought. "Where exactly do you want to go, cub?" I looked back at her for a moment before looking back at the road, and she shrugged. She'd been expecting us to know, to have something actually planned out. We ended up going to the mall to get Winnie some sweets, both of us holding her hands, and I was unable to not smile. Until, a girl came up to ask for a photo, and I felt brave for once, when we agreed of course. I was feeling daring.

She simply asked for us to take a family photo, to act like a family, you know? But instead, I picked Winnie up, held her in my arms, and lay my head on Phil's shoulder. Her eyes grew in size, but she didn't hesitate and took some pictures of us, then with us, and then left with a large grin on her face. "Dan, are you sure that was the smartest move?" He looked over at me with a concerned expression, but I just shrugged. It was about time I did something else, and I needed to get used to doing this before I came out. Slowly, you didn't do this all at once. Ever.

I booped his nose, watching him crinkle it up, and his glasses slowly slid down his nose. I pushed it up from him, giggling at his expression. "Let me get used to this, alright? Who knows, Philly, maybe today will be the day." I pressed my lips against his cheek, and in public of all places, but I didn't feel afraid. I just felt happy, public PDA was something I've been wanting to do for a long time. Especially with Phil. "It'll be fun, and a challenge. We have to avoid a lot of people to not be seen, but if we are, it won't really matter. We won't say a word about it, and then come out in our own time. It's gonna work." I was trying to sound like I knew what I was talking about, but really, I was just as lost as he seemed to be. I was stumped.

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Yes. Phil is 31. Winnie is 6. And Dan is almost 27. It's 2019, and shit is happening.