Little Wonder (Phan)

Thirty-Eight.

It was the end of April, it'd being almost 2 weeks since the accident, and we still hadn't talked about what had happened. Sure, me and Phil discussed it briefly before we went to sleep a few nights here and there, but we never gained the courage to actually talk to Winnie about it. We thought that it might be too much for her to handle, she was only 4 years old, after all. Though in a few days she was going to be 5, and that was only a few years away from being 10. Time really goes by fast if you don't remember to look up every now and again. "I still think this is a bad idea, Phil." I was currently gripping onto his shirt, his fist wavering in the air as he waited for me to clear to give the all clear to knock, we'd decided that today we would ask Winnie. But doubts had been forming in my mind, despite Phil trying his best to put them at ease. He did not answer me, just gave me a kiss before knocking gently, we were allowed permission inside.

"Hey, sweetie." Phil started off with sweet words, closing her door before sitting at her side, she was playing with her Pooh Bear, pretending as if though they were actually having a conversation. He was a good confider, I should know. "Me and papa wanted to ask you a few questions, if that's alright." It was almost like she knew why we'd come in here, silently getting up and going to her bed, sitting on the edge so we could both sit at her side, which we did in a moments notice. "It's about what happened. . . We need to know, um, what /did/ happen?" I noticed that he was playing with his fingers, something he did when he was nervous, though I couldn't really call him out on it, I was doing my nervous tick. I knew that I checked my hair a lot already as it was, but when I was nervous, I tended to over attend to it. Annoyingly so. A smile was on her lips though as she looked at us both, putting her tiny hands in ours, Pooh in her arms and she bounced a little bit. "Winnie, it's okay if you don't want to tell us."

She shook her head, her curls bouncing around wildly. "I've been /waiting/ for you guys to ask me!" Beaming up at us she wiggled her bum a bit, as if though to tell us she was getting comfortable, so we might as well. "So first, I felt icky, like /really/ icky. Everything was hot and I couldn't really talk, or move. It was scary." She must be talking about the accident, she must've experienced a different way than me and Phil had. "And the world kept fading in and out and I didn't know what was happening, there were bright lights, voices I didn't know, and then there was silence. There was a slight prick in my arm, but that's it." The needles, so she was slightly aware of her surroundings, to say the least. She kicked her legs back and forth, her brow furrowing as she struggled to remember. "I heard voices, your voices, so I wasn't as scared anymore, but I was still pretty scared. Why couldn't I move? Why couldn't I talk? I tried to smile, at least once, I think I did?" Right, her smile. I knew I hadn't made that up.

"I was moved, there was shouting, directions given, and then panic. Then my eyes opened and I was somewhere completely new." I tipped my head, as far as I had been concerned, she hadn't been moved anywhere when she had her surgery, she was always in the room right next to us. "It was bright, but not like before, it was a happy bright. Not harsh or glaring. Warm and calming, I wanted to just stand there forever, soaking it up." Her smile was growing with every word, and I could only imagine the bliss she was trying to feel again. "I walked a little bit, and I saw a field with children, bigger children, younger children, they were all running around and squealing with smiles on their faces." She closed her eyes, humming softly. "I was so at ease, like nothing bad would ever happen again. We played, and played for what felt like forever, but at the same time, like no time had passed at all." She patted our hands before taking her hand out of ours. "But then a voice called my name, telling me it was time to go, I didn't want to go, I kept asking him why I had to. He told me that I was missed, I would be missed, that papa was calling. It was time to go home." She turned to look towards me, and my eyes widened. Had she heard me? Heard me praying? Was that what had happened?

"So I took his hand, it was big and warm, just like yours. And he led me to an isolated area, and told me to close my eyes. I was upset, why was I leaving?" She huffed, before taking a deep breath and shaking her head. "He told me I would come back one day, but it wasn't my time yet, I don't know what he meant, but when I opened my eyes again, I was in a strange bed." She was talking about the coffin, that sent chills up my spine. "So I climbed out and waited until you and daddy were done talking with the lady, but you sounded so silly, I couldn't help but to giggle. I didn't mean to interpret." I just patted her head, urging her to continue her story. "And then we got ice cream and here we are!" She seemed proud of her story, looking up at us with shining eyes, giggling happily. "What do we do now, papa?" Why did she have to ask me? I didn't have all the answers, especially not to this, never to this.

"Well you birthday is next week, how about we talk about that?" She seemed beyond excited, nodding and listing off things she wanted, and what she wanted her party to be like, but I highly doubted we would have a party. I liked birthdays to be a more personal thing. I also wanted to talk about this later, with Phil. Though I didn't know what would be said. 

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Short chapter, sorry. But another birthday, woo!