Little Wonder (Phan)

Eighty-Four.

"Come in, come in!" I let myself be ushered in without a single word with the knowledge that I would just be shushed if I tried to argue. I'd planned on taking Winnie to see Mama Howell but last minute plans popped up and we ended up going to Felix and Marzia's place. They'd moved since the last time we saw them so it was entirely new to Winnie. Not to mention that it's been a couple of years since she's been over. "Felix will take your bags, would you be a dear?" She gave him a sweet smile and he only shook his head with an amused grin and take our bags, despite me arguing and saying that it wasn't necessary. "Nonsense!" She waved away my argument and her smile lessened. "We want to help in any way during this difficult time, as much as friends can help." Over the years Marzia had gotten more talkative, putting Felix to the test with her words. But I thought it was nice, she'd begun to pick up a more British accent, slowly losing her Italian one. "Winnie would you be a darling and help Uncle Felix with the bags? Knowing him he'll mix up everything and that won't be good." Though she was trying to hide it she didn't seem to know that Winnie wasn't a little girl anymore, or she didn't think like one anymore. She knew when she needed to leave and let the grown ups talk, though I wasn't going to say she liked it.

Sighing I sat down on the couch allowing myself the tiniest bit of relaxation, more than I'd let myself feel for the past few weeks. "You're tired." Her voice was softer and had lost the bright tone, but she was still smiling. It was a sad smile. "When was the last time you slept?" Talking didn't seem fun at the moment so I continued the conversation with a shrug, watching as she nodded and got up. "I'm going to get you some tea and then how about we talk for a bit? Don't worry about Winnie, Felix promised to look after her while we talked." Though I knew I didn't get a say in the matter I knew that it wouldn't have mattered as much, even if it'd been a few years ago, once Marzia said something and made up her mind there was no going back. Laying back I closed my eyes and listened to her talk, I knew I wasn't going to be able to speak my piece for a minute or two. "Now I don't know exactly what is going on, but I have the general idea. You were speaking your mind and you didn't exactly word out everything in a way that -- well, you said it in a way that made it sound like you were questioning your relationship." One nod. "And you didn't think to shout after him, or stop him because you were afraid?" Another nod. "But what exactly are you afraid of, Phil." I hadn't noticed, but she'd moved closer in the last minute and I shifted my position to give her some room. "Were you scared that you would just drive him away even more with your words or. .. " She placed her hand on my knee. "Were you worried that you wouldn't be able to say anything at all?" To be honest, I didn't even really know that.

"Marzia, I think I've lost him forever." My voice was a whisper even though I felt pretty strong. I didn't look at her, I kept my eyes closed. "I was an idiot, I've had doubts in my mind that this -- our marriage might not work out. But that was about past events, and thinking that things like that might happen again. But I do love him." Finally I opened my eyes and looked her dead in the eye. "I love him with all my heart and all I want him to do is come home so I can not only tell him that, but I can actually prove it as well." I saw her smile grow a little as she nodded, like she understood what I meant. "Have you and Felix ever had a falling out like this?" The second those words left my mouth I wished they hadn't. "I'm sorry! I have no right in the world to ask a thing like that, it's personal and --" I stopped talking. Talking is what had gotten me into this mess in the first place. But she didn't look upset, she just looked amused. If not a little saddened now.

Letting out a big sigh she leaned back and nodded. "Boy oh boy, did we ever." Letting out a chuckle she smiled as she gazed off into the distance, like she was recalling some grand ol' memory instead of a falling out she'd had with her boyfriend. "It was when we'd first actually started going out. I claimed that he wasn't paying enough attention to me due to YouTube and he said that I was being to needy." She'd started playing with her fingers, this topic made her nervous and now I was sure that I wanted to kick myself in the throat for asking it. "Then he said that maybe it was a mistake that we'd gotten together. I mean, we met from online and the only reason I'd gotten in touch with him in the first place was because of a friend, we didn't even have that many things in common. Next to none." Pursing her lips for a moment she seemed to be debating whether or not to tell me something. "And then I got mad. Really mad. I started to throw stuff and scream at him, before breaking down at crying. I guess you could say it's the Italian in me." Chuckling she gave me a happier smile now. "Felix was surprised, I'd never had an outburst like this for as long as he had known me. And trust me, even though he'd only known me for real for a little over a year, I've never outbursted like that in my entire life. Not since I was a small child who didn't quite understand how the world worked yet." Rubbing at her arms she looked me straight in the eyes again, blue on brown. "He didn't know what to do at first, he panicked more or less. He was pacing around the room mumbling in Swedish before he eventually got down on his knees and wrapped his arms around me, swearing he hadn't meant it and that the stress had gotten to him. And that was the first time Felix said he loved me." There was a knowing smile on her face. "I take it you would give anything to tell Dan that, hm?"

Before I could answer her there was a squeal from upstairs with a crash that followed soon after, quickly followed by a spew of Swedish words that I'm sure are anything but innocent. "Do you think we should --?" She wasn't even on the couch by the time I tried to look at her, she was halfway up the stairs already. "I guess that answers that." Quickly following her and catching up with ease due to my long legs, I saw one of Felix's camera's on the ground, shattered and in many places. I could tell he was trying not to lose it and Winnie came barreling for me, clinging to me like she thought he would hit her. And though he might be upset I'm pretty sure everyone in this room apart from Winnie knew that Felix would never lay his hand on her, let alone a child or person in general. "What happened, Sunshine?" I kept my voice low, no need to anger.

"I-I was running around and playing tag with Uncle Felix, but I wasn't watching where I was going and I knocked over one of his camera's. I didn't mean to do it, Daddy." Her words had been muffled as she was currently hiding her face in my chest, seeing as I was holding her in my arms. She was scared beyond belief. She was shaking and heaving in breaths of air as she didn't even look in Felix's general direction. Marzia was softly speaking to him and though I couldn't hear her words I knew it was working. It's not like he wouldn't be sore about it later but for now he wasn't going to explode anymore and that was the important part. "Daddy, is he gonna be mad at me forever?" In an 8 year old's world that was a possibility, but I knew it wouldn't be.

Patting down her curls I smiled and walked downstairs slowly. "No, Sunshine. He'll only be a little upset. But I think it would be a good idea if you apologised soon, alright?" Kissing the top of her head I set her down on the couch where she curled up into a tiny ball, and I knew she'd either picked that up from Dan or it was a natural instinct. Sitting down next to her I smiled as she curled up in my lap, almost like a kitten. "Should your new nickname be Kitten?" Her nose scrunched up and she looked like she almost couldn't believe I'd said that, but it made a smile appear on her face and that's all I cared about at the moment. Patting her curls again I let out a small hum and closed my eyes. I think we both just needed a moment to calm down and think.

Especially how I was going to find Dan and what I was going to say when I found him.

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I'll be going away for a week for church camp so I'll try and get out as many chapters as possible, seeing as I now have a laptop at my fingertips and I don't need sleep.