Little Wonder (Phan)

Eighty-Six.

Rubbing at my arms I felt a little bit bad for not telling Mae that I was leaving but I also knew that she wouldn't have let me gone. At least not without letting her tag along and make sure I was actually going to do what I said I was. Last time that I'd gone out on my my own and been gone for a little to long she'd found me at a bridge, on the breaking point and on the edge. She was the only one who'd seemed to care or was brave enough to call me back from that. Looking up at the rapidly changing scenery I let out a sigh. Was Phil even going to be there when this -- I couldn't afford to think like that. I knew almost exactly how much it took to break one of these trains windows and I knew that I would jump out without hesitation if my mind went down that road. Again. The train was getting close and I was getting more and more nervous, enough that I knew if I was at the hospital my readings for my heartbeat would be spiking. I hadn't seen him in a couple of months and I didn't know if this was going to be awkward or not. For either of us. A weird noise left my throat as we started to slow down and I could start to see the station. There was no way I was able to see him yet but I could feel it, I could feel that he was here and just like me he was afraid the other hadn't come. That they had run or had second thoughts. That maybe there wasn't enough love to save us this time. But it had to be. That's all we had left anymore.

When the train finally stopped I made sure I was one of the last people off, no matter how bad I wanted to see him I knew that I couldn't go running at him, screaming and shouting at the top of my lungs like I was 5 years old and seeing a parent I hadn't seen in forever. I was a 30 year old man and it was about time that I acted like it. Pulling my hood over my head even tighter I let out a shaky breath and looked around. Usually it was easy to pick him out from a crowd due to his height but he must've been sitting or something because there wasn't a single person in this station that looked the least bit familiar. That couldn't be right I knew he was here I could feel that he was here, he wasn't going to run away again. Going up to the front desk I looked at the kind young woman that was smiling at me, luckily it was early enough that there wasn't any people piling up behind me. "Excuse me but, um, was there a man about my height here a bit earlier asking for me?" I bit my lip knowing that it was a longshot, there were thousands of people in London, why would she be able to know who I was talking about? "I mean, do you need my name? Or did anyone even come up to you?" Now I was beginning to panic a bit.

"Please follow me, Mr Howell." Surprise ran through me for a second before I realised that even though I didn't tell her my name I was pretty well known on YouTube so it was of no surprise to me that she knew who I was. And the 'Mr' part was probably for her job. Leading me towards one of the less crowded areas I saw a couple of people. A young mother with a sleeping baby in her arms and a tired look in her eyes, but a smile on her face. Two girls, one was sleeping against the other and the awake one had love in her eyes. An elderly man with a grim expression on his face who looked ready to fight the world. There was only one person left, and they were fast asleep. "He fell asleep trying to wait for you, Mr Lester got here an hour ago, I'm guessing that he didn't sleep very well." She was quiet and seemed timid, though I knew it was pretty early and I didn't really know how ready she was to be done with her shift. "I gave him a blanket since there was a chill but it seems like another worker took it, looks like he might need some warmth. I suggest you provide some." Lightly placing her on my arm she smiled before nodding, as if though she knew exactly what was going on, and then left. Phil had been here an hour before my train had even arrived and he'd waited, and fell asleep. The big idiot. Letting out a small breath I took my place next to him and set my hand on my knees, how was I going to start this? I didn't want to wake him up, especially since he must've gotten not that much sleep. But to be honest, I hadn't either. Letting out a yawn I let my eyes close for a second and my natural instincts take over. Before I knew what had happened my legs were folded beside me and my head was resting on his shoulder. I knew that this probably wasn't the best idea, but it felt the most natural.

Besides, where was I going to sleep. The train back to Bristol?

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Okay, so. I have some frozen Hershey in the freakin' freezer and it's 3am just about. So let me go by telling you I see those 18 notifications and I'm afraid, very afraid, to open them. Toodles.