Little Wonder (Phan)

Sixty-Four.

"Am I losing my mind?" My voice was nothing more than a whisper, scared to know the answer. I let out a small sigh, I must've been losing my mind if I was trying to get some answers from a gravestone, especially Phil's gravestone. Rubbing at my face, dragging my hands down it slowly, I got up from my knees and groaned when both my kneecaps gave a snap pop. "I'm getting too old for this kind of shit." Shaking my head I merely lay the few flowers I'd brought for him, lilies. "Same time next week?" Jokingly nodding as if though he had answered me, I gently brushed the top of the gravestone with my fingertips, but as soon as I did that, everything stopped moving, and voices started shouting at me inside of my head.

'— days. I'm sorry, but he's been here for awhile and it wouldn't be —' '— he'll be fine, I'm sure of it. There's nothing he hasn't been able to overcome before.' '— is Papa going to die?' There were almost a million more, or so it felt. Pulling back from the gravestone I looked at my hand for a second before collecting my jacket that had somehow fallen off, and I ran. Ran as far away as I could from the cemetery. Maybe I really was losing my mind. I felt a hand on my own, but I knew there was nobody there, there hadn't been a sound behind me. There was something wrong with me, that's the only explanation that I could think of, I was broken, I'd finally crumpled from all the loss and pain, the suffering I'd faced. I'm no longer able to take all of it, and it's overpowered me, and now it was going to destroy me. From the inside out.

Eventually I tripped, falling roughly onto the ground, and I knew I'd scratched up some part of my body, I could feel it aching. But strangely enough, it didn't hurt. "Go away." I whispered, a feeling of pure panic swelling up inside my chest as I heard Phil's voice in my ear, tears began to fall down my cheeks, I didn't need this, I'd finally gotten over him. "Leave me alone, I don't need this." But I felt a hand on my cheek, and I could almost see him in front of me, down on his knees with a smile on his face, like he was comforting a hurt child. 'Dan, we love love you, and I don't know what we're gonna do without you, but I hope wherever you're going you do not feel anymore pain.' Pain? The only pain I was feeling right now was remembering Phil, all the memories we'd made together, the happiness he'd given me and the way it was ripped away when he died. I felt his lips on top of my head, before they were on my lips and I didn't know it at first, but I was leaning forward to continue the kiss. I never wanted it to end again.

"Don't leave me." I was a hypnotic at it's finest, but he was the only person to ever make me feel like I was worth something, that I could love right and be loved right. Not abused or taken advantage of, but equally, and maybe even more by him, loved. I know I'd loved him a lot more than people would deem normal. And no, it wasn't because of the sex, it was because of who he was, the amazing (no pun intended) person he was. Wiping away my tears, I looked up and gasped at what I saw, there was Phil, and Winnie. But she was back at home with Louise and Eve. Tabitha and Darcy were over to play with her, a playdate. There was a smile on his face, but it was sad, and I could see tears in his eyes. He leaned forward again, and I met his lips, but it was almost like he didn't feel mine. 'They think it's time, I'm sorry. Even your mum -- I tried to get you more time, I swear. But I guess I'll see you up there.' Up there? What was he --

"Papa?" Another gasp left me as I turned around, there was Winnie, but it was almost like she'd said nothing, but I could see the tears in her eyes. "Are you going to leave me all alone?" I shook my head, saying I would never leave her. "But you want to leave with him, don't you? I thought you'd gotten over him, Daddy is dead!" Every word was laced with jealousy, this was not my little girl, this was something else. Backing up, somehow on my feet already, I tried to run from her, but she always seemed a couple of steps behind me. "Don't leave me Papa, don't you know we don't need him? We've gotten along just fine these past two years." And soon she was attached to my leg, sniffling and looking up at me with those puppy dog eyes. But right now they seemed more demonic than they did angelic. "I love you, Papa." Those words for some reason seemed more raspy than usually, forced. She was trying to force me to stay here.

But I tried to shake her off, something was wrong with her, her lips were no longer moving as her words echoed around me. "You're not my daughter." She looked hurt at those words, she didn't even get angry, and soon the guilt began to eat me up. I'd fallen victim. "I'm sorry, little cub, I didn't mean that. I was just -- playing a very mean game, that was not right of me. You can rest assure that I'm never going to leave you." But her grip on me was something that did not seem human. But I pushed that aside, she was still my little girl after all. Wasn't she?

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OKAY SHORT CHAPTER BUT LIKE OKAY WHATEVER I'M SORRY FOR ALL OF THIS I PROMISE FOR IT TO BE MAKING SENSE SOON.