My Middle Finger Likes You

Ch.58| Beep Test

I experienced standing in front of death's door this week. And let me tell you, you can't test death.

Now I'm not talking about suicide or being murdered by someone, I'm talking about suffocation.

I was having a beep test this week for my P.E score, and let me tell you I did not even past the test. That shows how unfit I am. I may have exercise at home  -- exercising my mind by watching Yaois and drolling over Luffy -- but I'm not exercising physically.

And the result is: I'm half-dead. Barely alive. Like a fish being thrown out of water for 3 minutes, and when it's about to breathe it's last breath, it was put back into the water. Life is playing with us.

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Teacher: The only thing you need to know is, make sure you arrive at that point on the other side before the beep sounds. This will go on until you've gone back and forth for 100 times.

Students: Ugh....

Teacher: *calling out names* ...Tiffany! On stand by.

Me: Yes, sir.

Teacher: get ready...go!

Me: I CAN DO THIS! TIFFANY CAN BEAT ANYONE!!!

Me: ONE LAP DONE! EASY! 99 MORE LAPS TO GO!!!

Me: ...

Me: ...

Me: OKAY, WHY ARE YOU GETTING TIRED, BODY?! THIS IS THE SECOND LAP FOR GOD'S SAKE!

Me: ...

Me: Let's try singing Anime song.

Me: NAN OTE MAYOIKONDA KOKORO NOMORI NO OKUN--- KAGAMI YORI TSUNDA ITSUMI YUTSURU YUGA YUNDA SMILEEEEE~~~

Me: NOMOEDA NAMI NAMABWA GOODBYE, KINDEMO KINDEMO NAKUTE. AOI FURETA NAMIDA FALL FROM MY EYES, NAMI MO MIKU----- *coughs* *coughs*

Me: MY THROAT IS DRY. I'M GONNA DIE FROM DEHYDRATION!!! WATER I NEED WATER! //COUGHS//

Me: ....

Me: God, please cooperate with me this one time, and grant me the ability to breathe while singing.

Me: Sorry, I mean, the ability to sing while running.

God: ...

God: ...

Me: okay. God is not responding.

Me: Another way. Think of Luffy. Luffy wearing V-neck shirt, Luffy being shirtless---- OOOHHHHHH!!! I FEEL THE POWER SURGINGGGG FROM INSIDE OF MEEEEE!!!!

Me: GO GO GO GO GO!!!! *runs faster*

Me: 80 laps to goooooooo!!!!!

Me: ..

Body: You need to stop. Now.

Throat:  or I will close your trachea line and you'll die from suffocation.

Body: No don't. By doing that, you'll kill us too!

Throat: Oh fuck that, body. She doesn't even give me water!

Me: Water... comes.... later....*pants*

Throat: See that?! No water means death!

Body: Just let this slide. She is having a test! Tolerate her will you?

Throat: Tolerate? You can't even hold on any longer and you want to tolerate her?

Me: Guys, shut up. I need to focus.

Body: I'll do whatever it takes for her to survive.

Me: Awww, I would be tearing up right now but my legs are going numb.

Legs: *pants* Can you please stop moving me? I just woke up and you force me to exercise 100 laps?! Isn't that crazy?!

Me: Stay with me. We're both tired, I know.

Legs: Then stop!

Throat: Bring me some water will you?!

Body: I think I will agree with throat.

Me: Why are you changing sides so easily, Body?

Body: Because Stomach can't digest the breakfast you had this morning!

Stomach: Your breakfast is going everywhere. You need to stop running!

Me: Why is there another character added?!

Throat: WATER! I NEED WATER!

Me: NO! SHUT UP!

Legs: I NEED TO REST NOW! NOW!

Body: STOP JUGGLING ME EVERYTIME YOU RUN!

Stomach: I NEED TO PROPERLY DIGEST YOUR BREAKFAST. HOW CAN I DO THAT WHEN YOU'RE RUNNING?!?!

Me: SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!

Everybody: 3 SECONDS TO STOP OR WE'LL SHUT DOWN YOUR CONCIOUSNESS RIGHT AWAY!

Me: W-wait, guys. Guys! I need this score okay? Help me to do another 60 laps and we'll be okay.

Everybody: ONEEEEE....

Me: Okay, sorry that is asking too much. How about 40 laps, eh? Mom told me if I didn't pass this test, she won't buy me any Luffy figurines. Please please?

Everybody: TWOOOOO....

Me: HEAR ME OUT PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU!

Everybody: And....... THREEEEEEEE!!! *shuts down*

Teacher: Tiffany. You've done only 40 laps out of a hundred. You've dissapoint me.

Me: ...

Me: Mom's gonna kill me. Help.