My Middle Finger Likes You

Ch.79 | THIS IS SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING.

This is me preaching about the love of my life. Just skip if you want to. 

-T

xoxo

Okay, so you may not know this, but I found a new crush to crush on since last November. He was a senior, two years older than me. I nicknamed him "Mr. E". It's been a month since I last saw him. Mr. E was now obviously moving to a university and that means I won't be seeing him anymore, like forever. I was ready to let him go but my subconscious seems to have a different opinion, which resulted in me dreaming about him constantly from day to day. 

Few weeks ago, I dreamt of watching E's youtube video of him playing a guitar in a band. I KNOW RIGHT, HE PLAYS GUITAR??!!!??? (so fucking cool) and like I actually entered the video and was stalking him (by peeping him from behind a thick pillar which is actually what I did most of the times when I saw him at school). His back was on me but my eyes can still clearly see his face. 

Dreams stay as dreams, but he suddenly turned around and we fucking made an eye contact. Flustered, I quickly looked back and after a moment's breath, I looked again to see if he's still looking at me. (or at least looking my way)

AND HE WAS ACTUALLY WALKING TOWARDS ME WITH HIS EYES LOCKED INTO MINE. I was internally screaming at this point. I know that the real E won't be as brave as to approach me in real life BUT THIS IS A FUCKING DREAM SO WHO THE FUCK CARES, AMIRITE?

With heart beating fast, I broke into a run, hoping that he's not actually walking towards me. BUT THEN HE IS, slowly but surely HE'S APPROACHING ME. I ran faster towards the stair, hoping to lose him and was about to climb up when he called out to me. 

"Wait." 

I froze.

"Let's talk." he said. 

YOU KNOW WHAT FRUSTRATES ME, I FUCKING BLOODY HELL WOKE UP FROM THAT. I was about to sleep again to continue the dream, 

BUT I CAN'T.

DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING THAT IS????!?!?!??!?! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT E IS GONNA TALK ABOUT AND LIKE SJKSJKSJSJK

Like I wanna listen to his voice more and like I wanna see him cage me up on the wall with his hands like FUCK. 

I WANT HIM TO KABE-DONNED MY SORRY ASS BUT LIKE WHY MY DREAM GOTTA BLOCK HIS PATH FROM DOING THIS TO ME. WHY YOU GOTTA BE CRUEL TO ME. 

I WANT TO LISTEN TO HIM SAYING, "You can't go anywhere no more before you agree to listen to me." in which I reply, "Yes, please keep caging me up, I like this." JKSJSKJKSKSKS LIKE AT LEAST GIMME A CHANCE TO TALK TO HIM IN MY DREAMS WHEN I CLEARLY HAVE NO CHANCE TO TALK TO HIM IN REAL LIFE. or gimme a chance to see his eyes which bore into mine like a hungry beast or gimme a chance to touch his hands that held the guitar as if it's carrying a fucking damn baby or-- 

//coughs coughs

Inhale.

Exhale. 

Wow, I'm getting delusional aren't I?

....Man, I'm tired. Let me rest.