Let's Talk Fanfiction!! {Closed}

Skypaw

*(We had some technical difficulties with this chapter due to Mapleshade. It has now been fixed.)

Names: Skykit, Skypaw, Skyheart

Gender: She-cat

Clan: Windclan

Age: Currently 7 moons old

Rank: Apprentice

Fur/Pelt Color: She has mottled fur with many shades of brown fading in and out. Her colors are mostly light browns and reds to help her blend into the moorland. Her fur is short and thick.

Eyes: She actually has heterochromia. Her mother's father had heterochromia and mother carries the recessive genes for it. Her father is also a carrier for the gene and because of this combination she was born with one dark brown eye and one light amber eye. (Yes I sat at my computer for at least an hour doing punnet squares so this would be believable)

Body: Like most Windclan cats she is small, lean and lithe, built for running.

Family: (Her family is all OCs) Lilytail (mother), Bramblefoot (father), Doespring (sister), Finchfur (sister), Rushclaw (brother)

Personality: Skypaw is an ambitious and determined apprentice. She is driven by the desire to be the best Windclan has ever seen. She's not exactly a social cat but she's not opposed to goofing around and chatting with the other apprentices. She gets annoyed if they asked rabbit-brained questions or if they try to tease her for being so small. (I relate to the being small part on a personal level.
-_-) she's got a fire in her soul and is fiercely loyal to her clan. Her greatest goal is to one day become the leader of Windclan.

Good traits: She's exceptionally loyal to her clan, she's a fierce trainer, she always strives to be the best

Flaws: She will work herself to the ground during training, her ambition could potentially get the best of her, she lacks any sense of caution, she has no filter

Backstory: When Skykit was born she was the runt of her litter. Her siblings were all considerably larger and more well-built. Skykit was always embarrassed of her small stature and often wished to be bigger. As if that wasn't bad enough, in her opinion, she had weird eyes! She just wanted to be a normal kit like the others. When she turned 6 moons old, Skypaw was determined to outshine any other apprentice. In theory it seemed like a great idea, in practice however, her size worked against her. She found it difficult to fight the larger apprentices but her mentor never gave up. He taught Skypaw that size and brute force weren't everything and showed her how to use her size to her advantage. He very heavily focused on running because she was so small she could easily weave through large hoards of enemies. Soon she found herself able to fight well but she mostly relied on speed and dodging. Skypaw's story begins with her becoming an apprentice.

Specific quote: "The great Skystar, the best leader Windclan has ever known. Has a nice ring to it, huh?"

Can I just say I really like Warriors?
I've been obsessed with them for years, and it's amazing that I'm finally reviewing a fan character for it!

Anyway. That's besides the point.

The names here are appropriate, and that includes the family as well as Skypaw's names.
Her color and build are nicely done for a cat living in Windclan. Also, I love the fact that she has heterochromia, which isn't something I see a lot in Warriors, and that you made sure her having it was believable.
Her backstory is generally like most other kits growing into apprentices, what with wanting to be the greatest apprentice and all.

Windclan cats are small in general, so their training is primarily speed rather than force. Keep that in mind when writing about her because you made it sound like the other apprentices were more focused on strength, which is a Thunderclan tactic more than a Windclan one.

Her being a runt really plays out in this, and she's faced with problems her siblings don't have to worry about. Good job inputting this in. Many times I'll see an apprentice everyone underestimates, and they'll pick on said character until this MC fights with unbelievable skill on their first try. Obviously this kitten isn't doing that. And her mentor is amazing. He's not treating her terribly because he was given a challenged apprentice. He's working as hard as he can to fix her into the best warrior she can possibly be. It doesn't look like she's being treated unfairly by her parents or anyone else due to that size.

She has an amazing balance of flaws and perks, and I like that even though she's small, her ambition conquers any discouragement. And she has the potential of becoming the next Tigerstar, which is something I also really love about her.

9/10

Her training bugs me a little, but she's well thought out. Overall I love Skypaw– so long as she's not the next Scourge!

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And as always, I will see YOU in the next chapter!