Let's Talk Fanfiction!! {Closed}

Jeanne Grey

Fandom: Original

Plot: Earth has been overrun with monsters, causing an uprising, which lead to the king's decision to kill/enslave humans. A small band of human fugitives attempt to overthrow the monster king after years of unjust treatment.

Titles: Prince of Black Roses, Puppet Master.

Gender: Female, posing as male.

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Occupation: Mage, tactician

Age: 3,461

Species: Elf

Appearance: Jeanne has dusty blue skin and brown eyes, along with black hair put in a bob. She wears a dark red cloak over a grey dress shirt and pants. Along with this, she wears a black mask. Her body is more on the slender side.

Personality: She is cunning and quick witted, as her job needs her to be. While generally a patient and motherly figure, she can be verbally cruel at times.

Weapons: Ice magic, her wits

Positive traits: She is a tactical genius, which is useful in battle.

Flaws: Due to lack of physical training, she has no skill with a weapon and must rely on magical attacks. She also can't control her magic all the time.

Hobbies: Writing, reading, chess.

Backstory: Jeanne was born to a family of elves known for their magical expertise. Her father was close friends with the king, securing a place for her on his royal guard. Her parents spent years teaching her about her magical capabilities. During Earth's takeover, she led a small group of soldiers using tactics that she had studied over the years. Unfortunately, her parents died battling alongside her. Jeanne took this as a personal loss and began to study physical combat. The king, who was friends with her father, took her in as the empire's tactician.

Just to start this off, I'd like to point out how I've never had a gender the way you put it. I find it interesting, to say the least.
However..there doesn't appear to be a reason for why she poses as a male. Is it just a phase? A weird obsession? Protection?
Her nicknames are nice, although I don't understand why she's called the 'Prince of Black Roses'. Obviously Prince because of her gender issue, but Black Roses...because she uses ice? Because she wears a black mask?

Thank you for saying Heterosexual instead of straight. People don't seem to realize the difference between sexual preference and romantic preference and how they're different.

Her age is ridiculous and I love that.

While her currents flaws and positive traits are very good, she could use a few more.

I very much like how her powers aren't always reliable.

Her appearance is nice. Nothing to complain about there.

The parents dying is a bit of a cliche, and even moreso because it benefited her more than hindered. They died and now she has an important position due to family relations.

The plot of the story is interesting and I'm surprised you put her on what appears to be the "bad" side while not making her or the king seem evil at all.
Unless I've got this story completely turned around and the humans are the villains.
But if not, then good job. You did well.

7/10.

This review was all over the place, but I hope it helped. This character is original, but there are a few things I'd look over.

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And I will see YOU in the next review!!!