Let's Talk Fanfiction!! {Closed}

Twistedwillow

Fandom: Warriors cats

Gender: Male

Age: 68 moons currently

Prefix meaning: He has a twisted front paw

Suffix: He has the suffix Willow because his heart is soft like a willow's leaves.

Appearance: Short and scrawny, with a paw that is twisted almost completely backwards. He has short, bristly light gray fur, and deep amber eyes. (Above)

Clan: Sunclan

Rank: Warrior

Parents:
Rosewing-Calico she-cat with light blue eyes and a short tail. (Prefix for the many ginger tabby spots on her, Wing for how she can jump a lot higher than most cats, like a bird)
Minnowheart- Small, light gray tom with green eyes (Minnow for how small he is, heart for how kind he is.)

Mate:
Lilystem- torishell she-cat with bright green eyes (Prefix after her aunt who died from greencough, one of the last deaths of the plague of greencough the cats were having. Suffix for how motherly she is to all kits.)

Kits:
Dewkit- light gray she-kit with a white spot on her chest.
Sootkit- light gray tom speckled with dark gray.
Poppykit- Big tortoiseshell she-kit
Owlkit- Tiny orange tabby tom with huge green eyes.
Petalkit- looks like a mini version of Lilystem

Friends:
Cherryshade- A black she-cat with russet tabby splotches. He is her friend because they are a lot alike. They are both quiet and kind and like to use words before claws. He also got to know her a lot because he would often come into the medicine cat's den as an apprentice because his paw was aching. If she wasn't a medicine cat, they might've became mates.

Lilystem- (description above) She was the only warrior apprentice who was kind to him, and saw past his disability. She saw that he was a good cat, despite not being strong.

Shadestalk- He was his first apprentice, and a bit like his son to him. (Description in the last review.)

Enemies:
Thistledust- Large, light brown tabby tom with spiky fur. He often will take his anger out on Twistedwillow and threatens to kill him if he told anyone, which Twistedwillow knew he could do.

Scorch___- (haven't figured out a prefix yet) A dark russet tabby tom. He was apprenticed to Thistledust, and picked up on his mentor's bullying of Twistedwillow. He bullied him with words instead of claws, however.

Personality:
He is hard working and intelligent. He is also patient and likes to use words instead of claws. However he is extremely stereotypical and often doesn't sway on his opinions once he has decided on them. He also gets set off if the wrong thing is said to him. He is intimidated by many cats, especially if they are larger than him.

Likes:
Taking care of kits- it's the one thing he can do as well as every other cat.
Storms- he loves to curl up in his nest and listen to the rain.
Exploring- he enjoys seeing new sights

Dislikes:
Frogs- they're slimy and gross.
Catmint- He hates how it makes full grown cats act like kits (Not all cats are affected by catnip so this is possible).

Background:
His father died of the green cough plague about the same time Lilystem's aunt died. They were some of the last cats to die, but his mother was still affected deeply by the loss of his father. She tried to stay positive for him, but sometimes he would catch her staring blankly at a wall, remembering his dad. Twistedkit didn't really remember him, but it made him sad to see his mother sad, and when he saw the other kits playing with their fathers when they came back from patrol.
As an apprentice, he would constantly be bullied, but mostly by Thistlepaw, he would knock his paw out from under him and laugh when he fell on his muzzle. Being the stubborn apprentice he was, no amount of punishment made Thistlepaw stop enjoying picking on Twistedpaw. Lilypaw and Cherrypaw tried to make him stop, but it never worked. Instead they focused on cheering up Twistedpaw.

He was shocked when his warrior name wasn't Twistedfoot, and when the bullying stopped, from all but Thistledust. He was even more shocked, though, when Lilystem asked him to be her mate, as he thought no cat would ever love him because of his weakness.
He didn't trust Frost and Mist when they came to the clan, despite them being just kits, as he thought that all full grown cats would follow after them, as the clan was not alerted where the kits came from. He had the same distrust towards Shadekit when he first came, but even more for these two, as his kits were close to being born. He soon grew to trust them, but not until after moons passed and still no cat came for them.

Skills:
Hunting- 5/10
Fighting- 3/10
Climbing- 7/10
Intelligence-9/10

This is yet another character from UmbreonOfShadowclan and if you haven't read her story "Scars and Ashes", then you should check it out.

Very nice use of name. You didn't pull a Crookedjaw when thinking of it. And maybe Scorch___ should be Scorchtongue? Because he bullies with words instead of claws? Just spitballing here.

Bullying is a bit of a cliche. Be wary of this and when thinking of the "punishments" for Thistlepaw, keep in mind that with-holding an apprentice from turning into a warrior is also a punishment. Would Thistlepaw be so desperate as to risk his warrior ceremony? I'm not saying he couldn't be, because obviously he could, I'm just saying make sure to really think this through while making the story.
Also, if a leader has to, he/she will find a way to separate two cats– (remember what Firestar did to Squirrelpaw and Brambleclaw. While this could seem completely unnecessary and a tad overboard, it's still an option).

His dislike for catmint is very original and I love the reasoning behind it.

His distrust for these three new kits is realistic and well done.

Maybe you should change his love for storms into a love of rain. Storms contain more than just rain and they can often be harmful to the clans.

All in all his traits are well balanced.

I like how he and Cherryshade could've been mates, but because she's a medicine cat the thought didn't really cross their minds. You completely avoided a huge cliche and paired him up with a better cat for him.

As for his twisted foot....you never said why he had it. Was it an accident? Was he born with it? If he was, does any of his siblings have deformities? For such a big flaw, there should be more detail about it.
And while you did say his hunting and fighting skills weren't top notch, you also said his climbing skills were 7/10. How? How does he climb? Does he tuck his twisted paw under him and use the other three to bound up the trunk? Or does it just sort of flail around like dead body weight?
On the other hand when mentioning his issue, you made it realistic by making it a bother while he was training. Good job!

7/10

For the most part, I love this character. But when dealing with his paw, you left a bit out, and there were a couple minor things that confused me, especially when it came to the bullying.

So as always—

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