Let's Talk Fanfiction!! {Closed}

Acheron Jameson Smith/Menks

This is ThatCrazedCourier 's OC.

Fandom: Nuopolis

Age: 29

Occupation: Unemployed, Assistant of the Roth Estate (formerly)

Sexuality: Straight

Sex: Male

Apparel: A violet and golden undershirt decorated with exquisite symbols, paired with dark green greatcoat with a collar and hood. Ratty brown pants and sleek grey boots.

Appearance: A scruffy man with bags under his eyes and messy, unkempt hair.

Hair color: Black with grey streaks due to a lot of stress.

Eye color: Brown

Weapons: A foot long telescopic sword with a Damascus steel design. Made of the odd metal CyberSteel. A Flintlock Plazpistol. A miniature wrist mounted crossbow.

Keepsakes/items always carried: A horrifying mask that vaguely resembles a skull. Used to conceal Acheron's identity when doing his dirty work.

Skin tone: A deep tan, but not assaulted by orange markers.

Status: Alive, but not so well.

Birthday: January 29th, 3049

Birthplace: The Menks Archlantic Palace, Geblands

Affiliation(s):

-The Roths: An old merchant family famous in the Geblands for their cybernetic merchandise.

-The Smiths: A small family closely tied to the Roths, Acheron became acquainted with them when the heads of the family made a marriage allegiance with the Menks, turning him from a Menk to a Smith.

-The Menks: A small family in a position of high status due to their funding the Gebland's military. That, and Acheron is a member of the family.

-CrazyCorp: No one knows just what goes on behind the doors of the company. They basically make anything and everything, if you have enough money. Acheron clicked with the all around company of mysteries when he met the founder and leader, Mordecai.

Personality: He holds immense hatred for Nuopolis, despite having lived in it. He seeks to ruin it kill Alastair Lincoln, and will stop at nothing to achieve his goal. He can be sly and tricky, yet he can be incredibly dramatic. He's polite and civil enough to those he doesn't know. Acheron holds a deep-seated, foolish fear of Jakob Roth. Smith has never been known to crack a joke, always staying determined. He also bears a legendary willpower, and will annihilate anyone who is foolish enough to stand in his way.

Powers: No two Branded people have quite the same Powers, and Acheron is no different. As he has bore the Traveler's Brand for years more than his brother-in-law, he has had plenty of time to develop, strengthen, and slowly gain new abilities. A few he has:

-Shadowport: A power that Acheron is fond of (and a variation of Wink), it is more powerful than its counterpart, being able to halt the procession of Time as long as the user stays in one place. It is also more powerful in that you don't need clear sight to your location, but rather a clear mind. But if you cannot picture the area accurately or clearly, then the power will fail. It is Acheron's signature Power. The Time ability doesn't work in mid-air.

-Helping Hand: When this ability is used, a shadow copy of the user is summoned and fights alongside the caster. It vanished after being hit or knocked unconscious.

-Clockwinder: Stops Time for a mere three seconds. This also includes projectiles and security gates and precautions. Takes a heavy mental toll.

-Hover: Pulls in a target and hoists them in the air when close enough. Siavash shares a stronger variation of this power. He cannot use this ability for long, as it needs bed specific motions to execute correctly, and he often botches them. Takes a bit of a toll on the mind.

Family: It's quite big as a result of two families merging into one.

Status: Some alive, some dead.

Siblings: Owen Smith, Acheron's brother-in-law.

Age: 32

Occupation: Royal Steamguard

Backstory: Acheron had a happy childhood, often playing various games with his best friend Owen when his family came over for diplomatic purposes. They both gained training of stealth and thievery when they nicked the coin purses of guards. They always returned them afterward, though. It was all a game to him.

But then it stopped being fun when Owen won the Gladius Risus Duhel and was sent to Nuopolis as a diplomatic gesture of goodwill. Shortly after, heads of the Menks and Smiths made a marriage alliance to increase trade between the Geblands and Nuopolis. As he grew older, Acheron gained training in combat from his father, Sherwood J. Menks (he refused to give up his last name, unlike his sister.).
He was told that," Someday, somebody will come to hurt you and your loved ones, and I want you to be ready for that day."

When he reached the age of twenty one, a mysterious specter  in bandages and dusty robes visited his dreams. The figure called himself The Traveler, a godlike being with nigh-infinite control over all the magic in the world. He predicted that Acheron could and would be a major game changer in the fate of Nuopolis, and gave him a gift. That is, the Traveler's Brand.

After that, he struck out on his own and spent the next four years developing his powers and reputation among the underworld. He stole valuable paintings and sold them on the black market. Acheron left various rivals and crime lords to terrible fates, and all around was a shitty person. It all came to a head when he trashed and destroyed the general store of a certain supporter of Cyberdenizens/Cyborgs, Jakob "Jay" Roth.

That act got the mass majority of the Empress' and Emperor's men (that is, his parents) after his hide, as well as Siavash's Hashashins and the Smith's forced. Siavash joined in as he wanted to distract himself from his recent murder of Jakob's brother, and he wanted to try to atone for the deed.
Luckily, Acheron was picked up and sent to Nuopolis by the leader of CrazyCorp, Mordecai. He saw what the man had became, and offered him a chance at redemption in the form of serving Roth Estate. He met up with Owen there as well, and spent until he was 29 honing his skills and powers even further, surpassing Owen.

The rest is censored due to major Nuopolis spoilers.

Religious beliefs: The Church of the Sands: A large band of folk that believe in the Traveler, a spirit that's wrapped in bandages and has dominion over the majority of magic.

Quote: "Today, you shall die alongside your greatest failure, Lincoln. This I swear."

Strengths: He is extremely well versed in swordplay and guerrilla warfare, having been trained by Owen, even to the point of surpassing him. He's a decent shot with a pistol, but poor with his wristbow. He has incredible control over the Traveler's abilities, as well as being decent with stealth and thievery.

Weaknesses: He can be overly dramatic and occasionally monologue, alongside the fact that he is incredibly impatient, often revealing himself at terrible times. He might be strong and quick, but a few well placed blows will take him down like any other man. He can also be affected by other bearers of the Traveler's Brand. He's a poor shot with his crossbow.

As usual with characters you send me, I found little fault in them. Honestly, I don't know why you think they need reviewing. You did great judging them on your own.
But I digress.

I have nothing to complain about his appearance or his strengths and weaknesses. As always, his overall description was well done. His connections, though extensive, were written nicely. The thievery trait is rather cliche, but at least his actions have some sort of repercussions.
I didn't find him too overpowered, though again being marked by a godlike being is a cliche so be careful using it.

My only complaint for him is his fear of Jakob. Why does he have this fear? The only mention of him in the back story is that Acheron trashed his general store, so did he do something that scarred Acheron permanently? But then again, you also said the fear was foolish, so it couldn't be anything like that.

I don't expect you to answer it here, but make sure to explain this detail in your story if it ever does pop up.

9/10.

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Comment!
And I will see YOU in the next review!