Let's Talk Fanfiction!! {Closed}

The Bride

Fandom: Creepypasta

Real Name: Lola Cecilia Moore.

Meaning Of Name: The name Lola means 'Lady of Sorrows'. The name Cecilia means 'Blind'.

Current Age: 26

Age when died (if dead): 24

Gender: Female

Species: Ghost

Personality: Gets angry easily, not quick to trust, when not angry or killing she's usually cheerful, bossy, gets jealous.

Birth Date: 6/8/91

Date of Death: 7/10/15

Astrological Sign: Gemini

Birthplace: Pennsylvania, USA

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Relationship: Single, and that's how she plans to keep it.

Cause of Death: Killed by her husband.

Occupation: When alive, she worked at a bookstore.

Height: 5'9

Weight: 145

Skin Tone: Peachy colored

Hair: Dirty blonde

Eyes: Brown

Left/Right handed: right

Place/Type of Residence: N/A

Languages Spoken: English

Favorite Color: White

Fears: Rejection, heights

Interests: Reading, as it always has been. When she was alive, she worked at a bookstore and wanted to be an author when she was little.

Good, Neutral, or Bad?: Bad

Distinguishing features: She has many scars from when her husband killed her. Including one that stretches straight down her left cheek. Her hands have blood dripping from them. One of her most easily spotted scars is the one that stretches across her right eye.

Backstory: Lola was a happy girl in her childhood. Her family had always been on the richer side of town. She had many friends, and was always trying to make more. Her family loved her. She had a little sister who adored her. She had good grades through out middle school and high school. She tried going to college, but dropped out due to the stress, then got a job at a bookstore, as she had always loved reading. That's where she met Matthew. Matthew seemed to be an amazing match for her. He was kind, a gentleman, and loved reading. Her family approved of him, too. The two started dating, and after three years of dating, Matthew finally proposed, and of course Lola said yes. She loved him. But he didn't love her. On the day of their wedding, Matthew killed her in order to get the money from her family. He got a knife and stabbed her multiple times and dragged the knife across her skin. The veil of her dress was torn, and what was left was stained with blood. Along with her veil, the dress was torn in many places. There was blood stained on that, too. Her hair is a tangled mess. Although she wore them on her wedding, she does not wear her heels when it comes to killing, she does in fact use them to stab her victims though (more on that later). Along with this, she carries around a bouquet of flowers that seem like roses but technically are daisies that have been stained with blood.

Special Items: Her bouquet (it's used as a back-up weapon)

Weapons: Her heels. She'll take the blood stained shoe, using the heel part and stabbing them with it. When finished killing them, she will leave them there for someone to find.

Powers: Teleportation, speed, can go through walls, normal ghost things.

Strengths: She can teleport to her victim if they try running away. She is also very smart and fast.

Weaknesses: She wasn't very strong when alive, still isn't now. Any speak on her past life will make her break down, allowing her victims to escape.

Relationships:

Parents: Her parents loved her when she was alive, and she loved her parents, and they were devastated when she died, knowing this, she did not kill or try to kill her parents. They did eventually die of natural causes.

Children: N/A

Relatives: She had a younger sister who looked up to Lola whose name was Lily. The two had a great sisterly bond and rarely fought. When Lola died, Lily was overcome with grief. She blamed Matthew, while at the same time blaming herself. Lily eventually died at age 21 in a car crash.

Partner: No. She has no interest in getting a boyfriend or in getting married due to what happened in her last relationship.

Catch phrase: "Have you ever been in love?"

Killing Targets: Anyone in a happy relationship she can find in her area.

Motive for killing: She believes no one deserves to be in love or to be in a happy relationship, if she finds someone who is, she will kill them out of pure jealousy.

This pasta seems pretty decent. She's a ghost, which probably means she can do this forever without being caught, and she has ghostly qualities about her.
Her weapon of choice is a HIGH HEEL, or a bouquet, and I find that amazing. This is definitely more original than the blades I keep seeing.

Her back story is well done. She wasn't poor or abused and had great family relationships, and that differentiates her from most pastas.

Also, nice job killing the sister off in a way that wasn't considered suicide. Wow that sounded cruel, but oh well. I'm serious. Most close siblings to a pasta kill themselves right after the big "incident" that turns the normal human being into a Creepypasta.

She has reasonable fears and a well-developed personality.

Lola does appear to be one of the better fanmade Creepypastas I've seen.

The first thing that bothered me was her name. I'm assuming you looked it up so it would specifically coincide with her story, since her name meanings are ridiculously ironic.

Matthew bothered me more because of the way he killed her rather than the reason. Killing for money is a common motive these days, but I don't see how he would get any if he was the one who killed her. Especially if he killed her with a knife (yay more knives. Great.).
I'm hoping that when he killed her, it was AFTER the wedding when they were finally alone because that would certainly make more sense than killing her during her wedding since the only time he could actually go through with it would be before it started as she was getting ready.
But even if it IS after the wedding that he does it, he would still be alone with her and therefore a prime suspect in her case. I mean, unless he had a very, very, very convincing alibi, I doubt the police would just rule him out.
Also, since a knife was his murder weapon and he did stab her and draw the blade across her skin, I would very much expect some fingerprints on her. So unless he threw out the body and reported her missing (which would still make him a prime suspect, no matter how nice he appeared) the cops would probably pinpoint that he was the murderer.
If he is going to be the killer, he better have one HELL of a story and a murder weapon that doesn't deal with close range.

Well I think that about covers it.

7/10.

Lola was overall a very good character and I really did like her. It was her killer that I had the most problems with. His motive may have been the only thing that really seemed realistic.

Aaand that's a wrap!
Feel free to correct me on anything you found unfair or idiotic on my part, I will gladly fix any mistakes I made.

So as usual–
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And I will see YOU in the next review!!