Let's Talk Fanfiction!! {Closed}

Bumblepaw

*(re-edited)

Fandom: Warriors

Name(s): Bumblekit, Bumblepaw, Bumblebee

Gender: Tom

Clan: Windclan

Age: 8 moons

Rank: Medicine Cat Apprentice (it's easier to write for)

Pelt/fur: His pelt is a light golden brown color with mottled flecks of varying shades of brown through it. He has very faint tabby stripes. His pelt is short and thick to help keep him warm.

Eyes: He has amber eyes.

Body type: He is lean and lithe like most Windclan cats.

Personality: He is a very soft spoken and passive cat. He prefers to stay in the background and hates being in the center of attention. He was borne with the natural desire to help others which is what led him to the path of the medicine cat. He enjoys learning about different herbs and their used in healing and would gladly spend hours in the medicine den learning. He enjoys going out to collect herbs and other supplies, he finds the time to be soothing and peaceful. He loves living on the moor with the wind in his tail and his head in the sky, he always feels close to Starclan.

Family: Poppyflower (mother), Brackenfoot (father),
Bramblefur (brother),
Shrewpelt (brother), and
Rabbittail (brother)

Strengths: Healing, listening, keeping peace, handling the kits, keeping calm in the face of stress, running (of course)

Weaknesses: He's passive aggressive and typically won't speak up during an argument, fighting, he lacks overall body strength (no he's not weak he's just small), he's bad with the elders

Likes: Being on top of the highest hill on the moorland, playing with the kits, the smell of burdock root, lapwing (favorite food)

Dislikes: Cranky old elders, loud and arrogant cats (aka Thunderclan), being anywhere near yew berries or water hemlock, being unsure of what to do, bumblebees

Fears: A cat dying at his paws, Starclan rejecting him as a medicine cat

Backstory: Bumblekit got his name when he was first born. As a newborn kit he opened his mouth to mew...right as an unfortunate bumblebee flew into the nursery and right into his mouth. Thankfully, he wasn't hurt but his mother, the other queens, and the medicine cat found it so funny they named him for it. His mother even swore to the clan leader his warrior name would be Bumblebee. His brothers were very brash, loud, and quite the opposite of their more quiet, passive sibling. He decided when he was 5 moons old he wanted to be a medicine cat so he could always be there for his clanmates. What really incited this desire was when Rabbittail fell into a patch of stinging nettles. Bumblekit carefully helped the medicine cat remove the nettles and paid very close attention to the process of helping fix the injury.

Extra info: To this day, if he sees bumblebees he will flinch away from them.

Alrighty then, let's get to it, shall we?

First off, his whole litter is made of toms, which is something I don't normally see. Good job here!
His family's names are appropriate.
His appearance and build are great.
He has a pretty good balance of traits.
His fears are common with every medicine cat.

Okay... That was the easy part. There were quite a few things I didn't like about this character.

To begin with, his name.

The reason he was given this name (both Bumblekit and Bumblebee) doesn't appear to be THAT important. Would a clan leader really name a warrior "Bumblebee" for the sake of a joke?
I wouldn't think so.
Now if it had been something morbidly life changing, like how Stormkit broke his jaw and was renamed Crookedkit, then that I could understand. But it was based off of something that only humored his fellow clanmates.
And while I'm on the topic, the Medicine Cat chooses the Medicine Apprentice's name. Not the leader. So Poppyflower "swearing to the clan leader" would have nothing to do with his naming.

Another thing I found off: his personality. His quirks, his perks, his overall self seems made to be a Medicine Cat. Oh yes, it's a good balance. But they're all traits EXPERIENCED Medicine Cats have, and that bothers me greatly. For example, despite having a litter full of rambunctious brothers, he's quite timid and passive. He's also an apprentice training to save lives, barely two moons into training, and he can handle stress well? It doesn't really make sense...

7/10.

As I was reading this, it felt like it wasn't really thought through. I mean, the parts where he liked running and sitting on this hill were the only parts that made this character not a medicine-cat-cookie-cut-out. And his name– though the humor behind it is rather funny– could've been better.

But that's just my opinion.
If I screwed up on something or if there's something you want to add, feel free to tell me!
And that's it.
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And I will see YOU in the next rant/review!