Let's Talk Fanfiction!! {Closed}

Yumiko Xiong

This is And_I_Care_Why 's OC.

Fandom: Harry Potter

Nicknames: Yumi, Miko

Age: 11

Year: 1st

Race: Japanese

Blood status: Pureblood

House: Slytherin

Wand: Hazel wood, Unicorn hair core, 10 1/4"  in length, reasonably supple flexibility

Sexuality: homosexual

Crush: N/A

Personality: Due to her strict upbringing, Yumiko is a perfectionist and always strived to do the best in absolutely everything she does. She hates coming in as second best, as it makes her feel like she has failed herself and the people that encouraged her and told her that she was going to come out on top. She always keeps her guards and defenses up, being a firm believer that someone will hurt you if you give them a chance. Yumiko is intelligent for someone her age, because her mother wanted to prove that her daughter was the best in every single way. Yumiko was to be the smartest, the prettiest, and the overall best. If she wasn't, she'd get screamed at by Mother until her voice was hoarse. She's a very aggressive person and will often say or do cruel things on impulse, then immediately feel awful. She won't say sorry though, because she's way too prideful. She gets angered easily, especially if someone poorly words something and she doesn't understand it. She has a hard time picking up on social skills, such as being able to read another person's body language or facial expressions. Yumiko has a formal type of speak that makes many people think she's weird. She says beckon instead of call, Mother instead of Mom, child instead of kid. She is unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of the other's speech. For that reason, she often doesn't recognize sarcasm and takes things very literally.

Likes: The sound of rain against a window, the smell of old books, being alone, hot chocolate, studying, doing things just right.

Dislikes: Failing, loud noises, crowded places, lazy people, procrastinating, spiders, dolls

Phobias: Atelophobia (the fear of not being good enough), Arachnophobia (spiders), Pediophobia (dolls), Coulrophobia (clowns)

Appearance: Most of the time, Yumiko has pale skin, but during the summer her skin gets tan. Her hair is dark brown and cut short so that it reaches about the middle of her neck. She has dark brown almond-shaped eyes and a small, round nose.

DOB: May 17th, 1980

Languages: Japanese and English

Alrighty, then.

Yumiko is a decent character. Her appearance is descriptive, there was obviously great attention into her preferences and fears, and her nationality and sexuality add some originality.

However, I did feel that her personality was a bit too negative. It's not hard to see why she was put into Slytherin, what with her being determined to do her very best and using whatever measures to achieve her goals and whatnot. And that's a good thing. Her quirks- like her social issues– are also good.

But there was very little that was described as positive.
If she has any friends, what do they see in her that makes them want to be friends in her? What good does her mom see in her? Does she get along well with the teachers if not the other students? Et cetera.

Those are the kinds of questions you want to ask when building up a well-balanced character, and you might find out something from your OC that you didn't see or think of before.

8/10.

I like her overall, she just needs some brushing up on.

So VOTE!
COMMENT.
And I will see YOU in the next review!