Let's Talk Fanfiction!! {Closed}

Esther Beatrix Abraham

This is SadiaRiaz4 's OC.
This will only cover the first story of this series.

Fandom: Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe

Gender: Female

Age:10

Sexuality: Straight (Won't affect the story)

Nickname:-

Ethnicity: English

Nationality: English

Face claim:

Appearance: Esther has dark hair and dark eyes. She has naturally pale skin. She has an average height and weight.

Likes: Cats (she finds them cute), snow, ice-skating (because her mother loved it and taught her how to do it), dark colors (bright colors make her blind, or so she says)

Dislikes: Eustace (mentioned only)(she finds him a snob), whiny people, heat (it makes her dizzy), sweet foods.

Personality: Esther is an introvert and keeps mostly to herself. She gets annoyed easily, especially by unnecessary whining. Esther tried not to show her emotions to others, thinking she'd get hurt that way. Outward she puts on an insensitive and cold demeanor.

She tends to get a bit emotional while watching other families interact but hides it well. She doesn't care how others feel about what she says and she's brutally honest.

Deep inside, Esther is a shy and sensitive child who needs to be cared for. She stands up for those she cares about more quickly than she does for herself. She's messy and a bit tomboyish, preferring to go in battle instead of staying back with the girls. She is brave and determined about what she does.

Family:
-Parents (Mentioned only)
-Helen Pevensie (Aunt)
-Richard Pevensie (Uncle)(The name I gave to Mr. Pevensie)
-Peter Pevensie (cousin)
-Susan Pevensie (cousin)
-Edmund Pevensie (cousin)
-Lucy Pevensie (cousin)

Backstory: Esther had a normal childhood with its normal ups and downs. Like her cousins, she was also sent to boarding school, where she was bullied for her introverted tendencies. Her father was sent to fight in the war where he died. Sometime later, her mother was killed in an air raid. After this, she was sent to live with the Pevensies a few days before evacuation.

Storyline: Esther is sent to the countryside along with her cousins. She doesn't believe Lucy when she finds Narnia. She follows Edmund when he follows Lucy into the wardrobe and meets the witch. The witch bribed her by saying that she can make people immortal and Esther would never have to lose a close friend. When all of the Pevensies enter the wardrobe, she follows Edmund to the White Witch. The witch puts them both in the dungeon for not bringing the others. She, along with Edmund, pleads the witch to let the fox go, but the witch pays no heed. Ginabrikk taunts both her and Edmund.

The two are later saved by Oreius and the other Narnians. She joins Peter and Edmund in the war by guilt tripping them about the witch.

Later she becomes one of the queens of Cair Paravel and one of the monarch's closest companions. She is also part of the Narnian army.

Weapon: Sword, dagger

Titles: Esther the Noble, Warrior of Peace

Friends:
-The Narnians
-Rosemary (one of the girls of her school; become friends after their return)
-Joan (Another girl of her school; become friends after their return)

Fears: Losing people close to her, Cold (after the witch), dark magic (because of the witch)

Relationships:
-Peter Pevensie: At first, Esther and Peter don't get along well. She views Peter as a bossy goody-two-shoes. This is also fueled by the fact that Peter never did anything about Edmund's bullies (she didn't know he was unaware).
After the witch, the two are on friendlier terms, especially since he forgives the two. He even comforts her after nightmares and treats her like a sister instead of a cousin. The two become closer in the Golden Age, Esther often seeking comfort from him after failing to hide her pain. Peter also becomes protective of her, especially when suitors start showing interest.
After returning from Narnia, Peter and Esther remain on good terms, much to the shock of everyone.

-Susan Pevensie: Esther and Susan are not on good terms, especially during the war. Susan tries to act like a grown up, which makes Esther think of her as a bossy know-it-all. Susan hates Esther's brutal honesty and views her as a cold and stubborn child.

After the witch, the two are on much friendlier terms. However, Esther still calls her boring. Susan tries to get Esther to fulfill her responsibilities as a queen, often telling her not to go to war and stuff. The two form a considerable sisterly bond during their reign.

After their return, Susan and Esther remain on good terms. Susan helps Esther with her work and adjust to their school.

Edmund: Out of all the Pevensies, Esther has always been closest to Edmund, mostly because they both are going through bullying. The two fight sometimes, but also get along quite well.
After the witch, Edmund and Esther have a silent promise, that they'd make it up to each other. Their fights lessen, becoming almost none. The two understand each other a lot more than their siblings/cousins. After their return, Edmund would often hold back Esther whenever her temper flared. The two behave like siblings who have gone through a lot of horrible things together, much to everyone's confusion.

-Lucy: Before Narnia, Esther behaves as though she hates Lucy. She gets annoyed by her whiny and child-like behavior. Esther doesn't believe Lucy about Narnia and doesn't stand up for her when Edmund claims to have been playing along with her. After the witch, Lucy, like her siblings, forgives Esther and Edmund, making her see her in a new light. During their reign, Esther acts like an older sister to Lucy. She also sneaks her out of lessons and Susan's boring plans.
After their return, Esther and Lucy keep their sisterly relation. They help each other deal with the other students of their school who view them as odd.

Positive attributes: Brave, loyal (especially after the witch), cunning, resourceful, patient (after Narnia)

Negative attributes: Hot-headed (sometimes), gets annoyed easily, impatient (before Narnia), bossy and high-and-mighty (after Narnia)

So to start this review off, let me just pull up this quote–
"She had a normal childhood with it's normal ups and downs–"

And then immediately after that you talked about how both her parents were killed.
Oh yeah. Definitely a normal childhood.
At the very least, this seems to somehow effect her mentally and emotionally, and their deaths were somewhat reasonable. So it wasn't a complete mess up.

But in all honesty, there wasn't much I found wrong with Esther. I liked what the Witch bribed her with. It's reasonable, considering what she's been through.
You weren't  too shabby with the family relations. Though I am putting down a warning. While it is a good idea to keep the original story as straight as possible, also keep in mind on how your character's presence effects everything. If you think you have enough talent to pull off a butterfly effect, then maybe try adding one in, even if it's just small details.

She has balanced personality that is affected by her past, and I especially like how she became a bossy boots after Narnia.
Her relationships with her cousins are realistic.

9/10.

Besides the whole parents dying situation, Esther appears to be a decent character.

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Comment!
And I will see YOU in the next review!