Mine To Forget

12 Unfamiliar feelings

The day was slow and dreadful. As Miss Taylor dug deep into the topic, I floated deep into my thoughts.

My eyes were roaming all around the room when I looked outside the glass window. My eyes landed on a figure standing far away, but still visible. I immediately sat up straight. It was the same figure I saw yesterday. He has the same attire. His face wasn't visible. He stood there, far away from me, like a shadow.

I felt like he was watching me. I suddenly felt a chill going down my spine. I was looking back at him when Miss Taylor snapped me out of my trance.

"Ms. Collins, I am still inside the class. It wouldn't hurt you to pay attention now will it?" She said, cocking both her eyebrows at me.

I slumped back in my chair. "Sorry Miss Taylor."

Stacy wiggled her eyebrows at me, asking me if something was wrong but I just brushed it off.

After a bad day at school, I went home. When I was walking up to my staircase, I felt like I stepped on something. I look down to see a diary. I picked it up and wiped it with my jacket sleeve. I looked around to see if someone was around and was maybe looking for it but the street was empty.

I dropped my keys and bag on my kitchen table and then slumped myself on the couch and opened the first page of the diary, to see who this diary belonged.

Savannah B.

I flipped through the pages but the diary was in a pretty bad shape. It seemed like the diary somehow got wet, these pages were crumpled, ruined. The ink was a little rubbed off on some pages but some of the pages were still intact and were in a better condition than the others. Maybe this is someone's journal.

Why would someone leave a personal journal at my doorstep? Did someone forget it here? I was curious. I wanted to read whatever I could from the diary but I also didn't want to snoop in someone's diary.

So I picked up my bag, the diary, and my keys and went out to the diner to grab a bite.

I was sitting in my booth, staring at the diary. Should I read it? Or leave it? I bit my lips as I looked at the half-ruined diary sitting in front of me. I have no idea why I was so nervous reading an abandoned diary.

Tapping my feet, I knew I was annoying everyone sitting around me. I finally gave in and opened a random page that was still readable despite some ink rubs.

Never did I ever think I would feel my heartbeat so fast just like that, just by watching him smile at me. What was happening to me? My heart ducked right into my stomach when I looked at him. He was saying something to me but all I could hear was my heart beating.

Caleb. His name is Caleb and he is my new bodyguard, chauffeur, trainer; whatever you call it. He was here to protect me, but who knew I would have to protect myself from him.

Today, for the very first time I noticed how blue his eyes are. Like the bluest and the deepest of the oceans hidden inside them. For the very first time in my life, I felt like I was drowning in those bright blue orbs. He made me feel safe, physically and emotionally.

When he first joined, I had no idea I had a new bodyguard because I didn't care enough to look up to see who was opening the car door for me or who was driving me around to places. I had different bodyguards most of the time so I was unfazed with this one too.

What changed?

This is a question I often ask myself. What happened, that suddenly he was visible to me. I was now looking right into his eyes and feeling things that I never thought I would feel. I sit back to think about the times when Caleb made me feel safe and made me laugh without even trying. I still remember the time when Noah stood me up and I ran back to the car crying like a little girl whose heart was crushed. Caleb was there. He handed me his handkerchief and then drove me to McDonald's. He ordered everything I liked and then drove to the spot from where I could see the entire city. We ate our burgers sitting on the bonnet of our car.

To my surprise, we talked and talked, and just like that, I was laughing again. I wasn't sad about a stupid boy anymore. Maybe that was the day we actually 'talked' talked. That was the day I felt comfortable around someone, in a very long time.

It is crazy how small gestures end up impacting someone's life so much. He changed my perception of how I see myself, and how I should never let others' perceptions of me change the way I think and feel about myself.

"You don't have to be someone you are not. You'll only be lying to yourself and from where I see you, you are kind and beautiful and humorous and sarcastic. That's your beauty and I will never let anyone take that away and neither should you."

These are the exact words Caleb said to me. He made me feel better about who I was and then he called me beautiful! My stomach erupted into a thousand butterflies as I looked into his eyes. How can a man, I have never even talked to properly, is telling me how I kinda am? What made him say that? What made him think that I deserve those kind words? Maybe I will never understand.

The night passed us by and then we drove home. But I didn't wanna go home. I wanted him to stay back too, but it was just a foolish idea. So, I brushed it off. And now it was haunting me.

I wanted him close but I didn't know how he felt. Maybe I never will because if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have gotten my chance at being happy.

As I kept the diary down on the table, I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I suddenly had a storm of unfamiliar feelings inside of me. I quickly wiped the tears away. What just happened? Why was I crying reading someone's journal and why was I feeling so attached to the words written on these pages?

I slammed the diary shut and rested my head in my hands. I took deep breaths until I felt normal. I just got back to eating my fries. The day was already dreadful, thank god I had fries.