Mine To Forget

16 Silent night

I tightly hold that piece of paper as it crumbles. Its midnight and all I feel is sadness, like something close to me is missing, like a piece of me is missing. I have no idea why I feel this way but I do and it gets hard for me to breathe sometimes.

I am currently sitting in my garden with my earphones on, holding the paper that was distributed in the school a few days ago. I thought I was over the chaos but it turns out that it has added more complex emotions to me.

I have been trying to hold on to my sanity but it seems to be slipping away, pushing me towards this storm. I don't remember my life before I came here and it's messing with my mind now. I feel stuck, it is the feeling that you get when you can't remember something you want to.

It is annoying, frustrating and now it's taking away any mental peace I have. I didn't realize that I was holding back tears. The song in the background also didn't help.

A tear slipped out. I sniffed as I wiped it off but then another tear escaped. I closed my eyes to take in a breath when I felt a movement around me. I quickly turned my head around only to be surprised.

I looked up to see Aiden standing beside me, with his hands in his jacket pocket. I pluck my earphones out.

"You scared the shit out of me," I said as I put my hand on my now racing heart.

"Sorry, didn't mean to," he said as he came and sat next to me.

I looked down as I wiped my tears, hoping he didn't see them.

"What are you doing?" I ask him, curious.

"Sitting?" He raised his eyebrows with a mischievous smirk on his face.

I just shook my head, "Aiden, if you are here to fight about.."

"I am not," he shut me up as he looked me straight in the eyes and for a second I felt my stomach flip.

He didn't look away and neither did I.

I could feel this tension now, the sexual tension between us. He may have left me speechless because suddenly I had no idea what to say.

"Rough night?" I whispered.

He nodded, "And yours?"

"Yeah, something like that..." I said as I bit my lip.

I looked down and when I looked up again I saw Aiden leaning toward me. I froze. As he leaned more forward every possible sense in my body left. But then I felt his hands on mine and then I realized that he was just trying to take the paper I was holding.

He opened it to see what it was. I looked away.

"I don't know why I am saying this but I. I had no idea that Madison had it," he said. "I found your diary after you left and I kept it so that I could give it back to you. I had nothing to do with whatever happened."

"Doesn't matter Aiden. It's not mine," I said.

He raised his eyebrows at me, surprised. "It's not yours?" he asked.

"No. I found it on my doorsteps a few days ago," I explained.

"Oh so that means there is no Caleb?" he muttered.

"I don't know. Maybe there is, just not mine," I said.

"Good," I heard him say. I looked at him.

"What?" I asked, stunned at his words.

"What?" He looked at me.

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing." His eyes looked confused but I knew he was pretending but his sly smirk gave it away. So I didn't say anything.

"Oh, so you screamed at me for an abandoned diary?"

"Yeah about that... I am.....not sorry" I grinned at his face.

He scoffed. "Ouch! So much for helping you huh?" he said. "I am the victim here," he pouted.

A small laugh escaped my lips, "Oh please, you are no victim."

He rolled his eyes in the sexiest way he could with a smile on his face. I looked at his perfect face and boy did he smell like heaven.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Aiden who was asking me something and I was just looking at him with wide eyes as I had no idea what he was asking for.

"Uhh?" I asked again.

"What are you listening to?" He pointed at my earphones.

"Oh... Ummm, it's a mix," I said as I handed him my other earphone. I was flushed with embarrassment, hoping he wouldn't have noticed me staring at his perfect face.

He wore the earphone as I pushed play. 'Hold on' by Chord Overstreet was on play. Aiden leaned back, he was half lying on his arms. I also leaned back on my arms.

We were silent, in peace listening to songs and I never realized when I fell asleep.

I opened my eyes to birds chirping. It was chilly but I had a jacket on me, it smelled just like...Aiden. I tried to get up when I felt a hand on my waist. I slowly turn my face to see Aiden sleeping next to me, his arm gently resting on my waist. He was peacefully sleeping and if I wasn't sleepy this would have been a beautiful moment. Birds chirping, no sun and it looked like it was an evening with the moon out, a chilly breeze. Stars are still visible. It was perfect. Only if we could stay like this.

I gently shook him "Aiden," I whispered. "Wake up."

He opened his eyes and blinked a few times. He got up and looked around, processing where he was and when his eyes landed on me, I gently smiled at him but something suddenly seemed wrong. He didn't smile at me, rather his eyes were suddenly cold.

He suddenly resembled the Aiden who hated me. The Aiden I see in school daily.

The Aiden I was talking to last night was gone. What happened in a matter of seconds? Did he suddenly realize that he made a mistake by talking to me?

"I think we should go inside," I said and he just nodded and before I knew it, he was getting up and walking away without saying anything.

It was too early for me to process this shit so I picked up the phone and his jacket that he left behind before storming away and went inside.