Mine To Forget

35. The hurt you give

Suzanne and I spent some more time, just sitting together on my patio. A little while later, Aiden's car came into view. He got out and saw his mom with me. His lips gently curved into a very sweet smile. He walked towards us and stood just below our staircase. Suzanne smiled at him.

"I love seeing you smile mom," he said, and trust me he could not get sweeter than that. I turn to look at Suzanne, who had a beautiful smile plastered on her face. 

"I need to go get Alice from her playdate, so I will get going then." She got up and turned toward me.

"I will see you around, kiddo," she said and kissed my forehead. I nodded as she walked away to her house leaving Aiden and me. 

"So you guys made up huh?" he asked.

I nodded, "We did, I knew we would." I said watching her walk away and smiling, I then got up to go inside, wishing that Aiden would also leave.

I didn't wanna be around him right now. He can't just speak shit to me about something that he knows nothing about. He can't randomly comment on something that still makes my heartburn. I don't wanna talk to him or see him. 

"April," I heard him call me as I was about to open my gate to go in. I exhaled loudly and then turned towards him.

"What?" I said bluntly.

"Can we talk?" Aiden said, giving a lot of emphasis on 'We'.

"No," I snapped at him and turned around to go back inside.

"April," Aiden called out my name a little louder. "Just please, listen to me once," he said which sounded like a plea.

"Listen to you? Haven't I heard enough already!?" I exclaimed at him.

"See, I know you are angry......." and before he could add another word to his sentence I interrupted.

"You bet I am, Aiden!" I found myself walking down the stairs towards him.

"Hmmmmm......You walked into my house and called me an orphan, said whatever you wanted to say to me. I think you have said enough already!" I snapped at him.

"April please ...I am sorry," he said.

"Sorry is just not enough Aiden, it's just not enough."

"I know, I know, I know..." he said.

"No!.... No! You know nothing!" My anger was on another level, I was so angry that I pushed him by his chest.

"How could you just say something like that to me!" I pushed him again.

"Huh! Tell me!" I pushed him again. "Why do you keep hurting me? Again and again and again!!" I pushed him again

And all he did was just look at me.

"It's all my fault! I gave you power over me! It's all my fault! I let you in!" I vent without realizing that my tears were falling.

"I let you in and you hurt me, again. I can not keep doing this again, Aiden! It's all my fault! And the worst thing is that I still don't hate you! I feel so stupid! Do you know why? Because I fucking understand why you did it!" and then I realized. I wasn't hurt because of what he said, I was hurt because he was right.

I wasn't angry at him. I was angry at myself, my mom, my dad, and the God above.

Aiden was just a trigger to the pain.
I felt worse. Tears poured out as if the floodgates were open. As if everything pent up in me was finally breaking my walls, it was overflowing the pain, until this moment.