Mine To Forget

32. lavender fields

My last confrontation with Aiden left me confused about how I felt. Was I really scared of feeling? I don't think I am still hurt by what he did. I know, in my heart that he is guilty about it. Also accepting the fact that things were not as good as they are right now with Aiden.

But I have this pain in my chest. I have this weird feeling that always pulls me back. It's like a string that's attached to something, or someone and is holding me back from completely accepting my feelings for Aiden, which I know I have because whenever he is around me, even if I want it or not, my body reacts to his presence. His presence is like a rush. I get conscious, I wanna look good for him. His mere presence makes me blush, my face feels like it's on fire and surprisingly I can't stop smiling. But then why is my heart trying to pull me back?

It was early in the morning. Caleb and I were practicing. I was feeling a little weak but I brushed the thought aside. Maybe I was just sleepy.

Then I heard Aiden's door open and shut. 

I whipped my head towards his direction but then I got a little more dizzy, maybe because I thought I whipped my head too fast.

I tried to look at his face but my vision got blurry. I rubbed my eye to see better but had no luck but my head started feeling heavy.

I just stood there, trying to focus but I couldn't see anything. I blinked my eyes once and twice then I heard someone call my name. I looked at Caleb, I couldn't see him either but his voice had a tone of worry.

I stumbled a little and before I knew I was falling but I don't remember hitting the ground and everything after that was blank.

I opened my eyes to a room that had light pouring in from the windows. It wasn't my room. This room was so much better than mine. Where was I?

"Good morning, Savannah" I saw a lady dressed in a black and white uniform, carrying a silver tray which reflected right in my eyes. I covered my eyes and when I opened them again I see her face. She has this bright smile on her face and she has those wrinkles next to her eyes making her look more wise and so motherly. It was weird. It felt so real.

I get out of bed but my feet never touched the ground. They were on a fuzzy floor, as I looked down, I was wearing the softest slippers and I had the smoothest silk night suit on. It felt like floating. It felt like peace.

Am I dead?

Then suddenly my room's main door opened and a bright light consumed my room. I instantly closed my eyes and when I opened my eyes again.

I found myself in a different location.

I was sitting on my knees, I looked around to see that I was...in a field, full of lavenders? My favorite color. 

The next thing I saw was a hand coming my way. Somebody was putting forward his hand for me. I looked up but the rays of the sun made it impossible for me to see.

I took that hand and got up. He took my hand and started walking. I followed him without a word. I didn't ask him any questions. I just watched him take me through these meadows. It was all so peaceful and I never wanted to leave this place. 

But then I finally break my Silence.

"Who are you?"

Then the guy slowly stopped and slowly turned towards me. I couldn't look at his face, the sun was too bright. I squinted my eyes at him and then there he was! And with a jolt, I woke up.

It felt like a piano fell on my head. 

"Ahhhh" I gripped my head and immediately I heard shuffling noises around me. 

"Are you all right?" 

"April" 

I heard two voices. I looked up to see two people Aiden and Caleb. My head was still so heavy and had no clue why. My throat was dry so I whimpered "Water," I had little to no strength in me to do anything. 

Someone handed me a glass of water. I felt okay so I looked up to two people who were around me. I was surprised to see two beaten and bruised faces. 

"What the hell happened to you guys?" I looked at both of them.

"Don't worry about it " Caleb said

"How are you feeling?" Aiden instantly cut him off. I looked at him and then at Caleb.

Caleb was looking a little pissed but then he looked more worried. What happened between these two? The amount of testosterone in this room was so immense and full but I chose to ignore it.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You fainted," Aiden said.

"Why didn't you tell me that you didn't feel well?" Caleb said.

"Because apparently, it was someone else's job to see if she is fine or if she is exerting herself !"  Aiden suddenly raised his voice, directing toward Caleb.

Caleb just looked at Aiden like he would kill him. But then he looked at me and his eyes became soft.

"You are not taking your medicines are you?" Caleb said. "Why would you do that? You know you have to take it regularly and you still just. I mean how could you?" Caleb finally spoke.

I looked at him wide-eyed. How did he know? I looked at Aiden who had the same look as I had.

"How did you....?" I stutter. 

Caleb looked at me like a deer caught in a headlight. "Mhmm. I saw. I saw them on your table and guessed it," he stuttered and then excused himself and exited the room.

I just kept looking at  Caleb as he just left the room. 

I then looked up at Aiden. He had a bruise under his eye. He was sitting right in front of me,  without thinking I reached for the bruise on his face and he winced, which suddenly made my heart wince. I looked at him. The sun was reflecting in his eyes. Making it look like a pool of honey.

I traced his bruise with my fingertips gently, so that it didn't hurt him. He just looked at me, so intensely. 

I gently traced his face and he closed his eyes. His hand slowly reached for my hand and held it against his cheek.

He took a long breath.
"You scared me." He whispered. He then slowly opened his eyes and looked at me

"You scared the fuck out of me," he said. His eyes were reflecting.

Are there tears in his eyes?

My heart dropped. 

He gently removed my hand from his cheek,  bought it against his lips, and kissed it.

"Never do it again." He said turning his face to the other side.

I knew he was scared to show me what he felt, but then he wouldn't be him if he did.

But only if he did.

He then got up, kissed my forehead, and before I could say something he spoke.

"You should rest," and with that, he was gone.