Where We Want To Be. A LINSTEAD Story

Chapter 47

Erin's pov.

It's all that's been running through my head. I can't sleep. I can't eat. Everytime I hear a loud bang or even the door open I jump.

He has been waiting outside my room for five days now. The doctors say he's not allowed in untill they know for sure I won't have a panic attack. But all I want right now is to see him. To talk to him, make sure he's alright. Tell him I'm sorry.

I am weak without him. All i do is lay in bed all day thinking about it. I can't do anything for myself. I can hardly lift my arm without shaking. I don't know why I'm shaking. Pain. Weakness. Fear.

I feel like I have been hit by multiple busses. It hurts to move. It hurts to breath. It hurts to walk. It hurts to cry, and I've been doing a lot of that lately.

Kim has been in a lot and has been a huge help. She has comforted me and said if I need anyone to talk to, to call her and she will be here. I trust her.

But the truth is I only want to talk to him. He is the only one who can make me feel better. The only one that can help me cope. And they won't let me see him.

When Kim finally came in this morning I was just staring into oblivion.

"Erin. Er. Hey you alright." She says sitting in the chair next to my bed.

"Huh" I mumble breaking out of my trans.

"How you feeling." She asks.

"Like crap." I say.

"Well here I brought you something to eat. I know how much you hate the food here." She says handing me a bag and a coffee.

"Thanks but I'm not hungry." I say putting it down on the table.

"Erin you have to eat something. You haven't eaten anything in over five days. It's not healthy." She says.

"My life isn't healthy. All i ever do is let people down or put myself or the people around me in danger." I snap.

"Erin none of this was your fault I have told you that many times." She says for about the fifth time.

"I saw it coming. I knew something was going to happen and I let it. I put you all through this and I could have easily prevented it." I say as I start to cry.

"Erin. You couldn't have prevented this. And Erin you went through so much. What we went through is nothing compared to what you had to go through." She says.

"Look at him. He is miserable. He isn't allowed to see me and I can see its killing him. He hasn't left that spot in five days. How much sleep has he gotten has he even eaten." I say

"Erin he understands that he can't see you yet. He wants to see you so bad but he is willing to wait he is just happy to know you are safe. And you are worried about him eating and sleeping Erin you haven't done either in five days."

"I need to see him now." I yell

"Erin you know you can't." She says trying to calm me down.

"No I need to see him." I yell starting to thrash my arms and legs trying to get out of the bed.

I rip out my iv's and sit up in the bed while Kim presses the nurses button.

A second later two nurses and my doctor runs in.

"Erin I need you to calm down and lay back in the bed." The doctor says as the nurses try and hold me down.

"No I need to see him." I scream as I see him standing watching through the window.