She's My Glue// Newt

Panic attacks and meltdowns

Tegan's POV.

My hand feels empty when it is not holding Newt's hand. I do listen to Minho though. Minho is tall and tanned and dark haired which is the quiff style but I don't fancy him. I've already sussed, I'm the only girl with loads of boys, that has it's advantages for the boys so I know things could happen. But. I'm not like that. I saw Newt looking at me and Minho when he walked/ limped away. He had a sour look about him then. I wonder how he got his limp.

"Minho, how did Newt get his limp?" I ask all of a sudden, the curiosity overwelming.

Minho looks at me awkwardly, "That's not my place to tell." Minho says firmly.

"Okay, can I tell you my secret that you can't tell Newt?" I ask quickly.

Alby said he'd tell Minho but I want to do it. I need to do it. Some of it is bad. Some can't be helped. I just need people aware.

"Sure." Minho looks uncomfortable.

"I have Aspergers, anxiety, and depression. I also have trust issues, no self esteem and I hate myself." I say quietly.

"What's depression and Aspergers?" Minho asks hestiently.

He seems to know what anxiety and all the rest is. I explain. He looks really sad. I get sad too. He then sees me like it then distracts me with introducing me to other gladers.

"So yeah..." I trail off.

"Over there is Ben. He's a runner like me. Hey Ben! Come here." Ben smiles then trots over, "Ben meet the greenie girl." Minho says happily, and not meaning to offend me slightly.

"What's up greenie?" Ben asks politely but sniggers.

I glare at Ben and say sarcastically "The sky." And stalk off on my own into the forest.

Minho tries to come after me and jogs at the side of me for a minute, "What has offended you Tegan?" He asks unbeknowingly.

I stop dead in my tracks.

"Everyone calling me greenie and everyone is laughing at me, sniggering at me. Like your good friend Ben over there." I pause for breath, "Now shuck off I want to be alone." I hiss, not necessarily mad at him but at the whole situation and everyone and everything.

"Tegan... You're going into meltdown aren't you?" Minho asks quietly and patiently.

"Yes."

Minho looks as if he is rattling his brain for ideas. "I'll get Newt as Alby cannot be disturbed and tell him about your anxiety, Aspergers and depression then he can come and-" I interupt him before he can finish.

"Not Newt. He will not know. You understand me Minho?" I say firmly but the tears start flowing down my face like someone's turned on a tap, "Get Alby."

He sprints off into the direction which I think is Alby's tent. I get a tent to as I'm the only girl but I wouldn't of minded snuggling up to Newt. No, what did I just say? Ugh he's getting into my brain. I suddenly start shivering and shaking intensely, my whole body wobbles like a newborn dear who is trying to learn how to stand up. I fall down because I'm shaking that much. I was going to find my tent and go in there but I can't move. Great. Panic attack and meltdown on the first day. And, this panic attack is a gooden', I've got paralysis. Fan-fucking-tastic. Alby and Minho arrives finally, and it feels like it's been hours, though it's probably been a matter of minutes. When Alby walks up to me I am shaking violently, rocking myself whilst cuddling my knees on the dirty, forest floor. I'm covered in mud.

"Hey, Tegan, want to go back to your tent and talk about what's wrong in detail?" I nod and try to stand but I'm still shaking violently and I crash to the fall with a bang.