Blaming Black Cat // Min Yoongi

Blame 38 - Monster

Blame 38

*Alisha's POV*

I didn't know how to start. I kept opening my mouth, but no sound would emerge. Blood pounded in my head. Yoongi stared at me, waiting for my explanation.

There was an invisible pressure on my chest. This was the moment that decided whether I let Yoongi in, or shut him out. I had never told anyone about my past before except for Sunny. My ex-boyfriend had gotten close, until he cheated on me. Since then, I've been afraid to let anyone new get too close.

But then I gazed into Yoongi's kind eyes. A sympathetic glint encouraged me to push forward.

The words tumbled out of my mouth in a waterfall.

The words I held in my heart for far too long.

"M-my family and I would go to my aunt and uncle's place to spend Christmas Eve together every year. I was sixteen when it happened."

My throat closed up. No. Now is not the time to break down. I licked my cracking lips and forced myself to keep going.

"My mother and father were already there. My brother and I were coming back from a party. He was the drunk one for once, so I was driving. I didn't know what I was doing. The roads were icy, and it-it-it was snowing. I should've just let my brother drive. W-what was I thinking?" I rambled.

Yoongi put a warm hand on my arm, signaling me to continue.

"I-I-I don't know what happened. Somewhere along the way, I must've hit an ice patch. One moment I was driving, the next...the next I was skidding on the interstate like crazy. The car spun out of control. And then a semi truck, one of those big ones that everyone avoids like the plague...It-it hit us from behind."

I closed my eyes as the painful memories resurfaced. "I still remember it, Yoongi. Every. Single. Fucking. Detail. The pain. The darkness. The sound of metal scraping against metal. The smell of fire in the snow.

The sheer terror in my brother's eyes before he died."

Tears rolled down my face at my last sentence. My shoulders shook as sobs wracked my body. I buried my face into Yoongi's chest, desperate for some comfort. Yoongi assured me that I was okay, but I knew I wasn't. The only thing I could do for myself was get it all out. And I wasn't even close to done.

"Yoongi, you don't understand. I. I was wasting my life away, partying, drinking. My parents had already given up on me. But he, he had so much to live for. His dreams. They were amazing. He was top of his class. Had the perfect girlfriend of three years. He was just accepted to medical school. H-he wanted to be a doctor."

I choked back a cynical laugh. "The perfect son. My parents were crushed. And my brother's girlfriend hated me. She sent me death threats. She begged me to bring my brother back, like I had killed him on purpose. Like I wouldn't give anything to bring him back. She blamed me. They all did. I could see it in their faces. It was my fault. Why did it have to be their perfect little boy? Why wasn't it me, the useless one? In their eyes, I was broken...She called me a monster."

I lifted my head and peered into Yoongi's eyes. "He was the only person who believed in me. I loved him. And I killed him...Oh my god, I am a monster."

I pressed my hand against my mouth at the realization. A flood of disgust surged over me. Disgust at myself. Disgust at my heart for refusing to give up that night.

How dare I be alive?

Why couldn't it have been me? Everyone would have been so much happier.