A COLLECTION OF MY FEELINGS

The Story of How I Broke My Brain

I'm an overyhinking strategist A realist and a pessimist not much of a pacifist but ima passive agressive bitch
When put into situations that I never really thought of
I go through scenarios in my head that tend to show
Different type of outcomes from good convos to bad convos
I don't usually break, I just select a path and go along
But my head had been spinning last night and everything went wrong
I went through plan A to plan Z
Scenario 1 to Scenario 553
And as soon as I reached a conclusion as it presented itself to me
My brain had shut down and literally left me
Like a computer with a lack of processing power, it couldn't process all the thoughts floating every 9.81 meters per second
I overused my ability and now I've just wrecked it
She told me to sleep, so I can reccooperate
But I'm kinda just moving my fingers right now not thinking about what I do or say
Is this numbness....?
I don't know the answer
She said ima beautiful mixture
But I think I'm confounded
Ima bomb for detonation
Slowly pacing and steady waiting
To light myself up and take down the people who can stand it
Maybe... I'm not too sure
I need reassurance
The more I thought
The more pain I was in
And now I can't
So the pain has gone away...
All of it....
This was the goal I guess,
But it doesn't make me happy I'm superman and my brain's malfunction is like  gold kryptonite
I'm not me... I'm someone else
And there's no way to fight
No strategy for debate
No plan or time to wait
No conclusions no form of fate
No destiny no thoughts of late
Spent 20 dollars on food last night ate 4 dollars worth and threw the rest away....
Big spender
Bad decisions
Need attention
I'm bed ridden
I kept letting my mind control me and now he suffered an amputation
Feel like a zombie
I'm forgetting how to rhyme
Pushing out the excess memories that way down my mind
When I recover.... if I recover
I'll be further in time
Because the past will be deleted and I can't even try
To save it
My final destination
To the world that never was
I feel like a nobody
And I need a fucking hug
I've already been a heartless
When I had lost the love
So now after I'm restored
I'll go back to normal....and stuff.... I don't really know.... I'm not too sure... I hate staying in the present , it hurts me at the core
Knowing all this bad shit's gonna happen
And I can't stand it but now I have to take it and I might as well track it
I'm gonna go to the past first see what I have, then go to the future to see what I have left
After all that toil and all that stress I'll make only one path for myself, without trying to test I'm just gonna wing it and if I'm not satisfied then oh well, if I go through the process I won't come back, how the hell do you expect me to react???
I'm no performer but I was born to act, cuz I act like everything's okay and no one ever notices that so I'm gonna fix myself and suffer the permanent damage
I remember why, maybe something tragic probably happened in my brain, made my process go insane and now it's shut down for a couple days.... hopefully not weeks and definitely not months, now I don't think before I speak, theyh can get what they want out of me
I lack manipulation so now they'll manipulate me
And find out every little secret that my brain holds, and will set free,
I feel like I've lost everything
I'm borderline insane
Thank you for reading , "The Story of How I Broke My Brain"