A COLLECTION OF MY FEELINGS

Last Stand

I remember the first day I saw your face...
Didn't know you but I wanted to know right away
That was the first time I had love at first sight
I was a 2nd place in the beginning a #1 at the middle and now nothing at the end
And as I grasp on other people for their power to lend
I'm slowly becoming okay with calling you a friend...
We had a lot of good moment , the pool, going to see shows, music in the park, even me blowing ur nose
Now that's all that flows through my mind as I dose
And I get it.... I could have done better
We were supposed to get married in las Vegas , you remember?
I made it for worst
Never for better
So this is the final stand written on a letter
I used to call you my fiance
I guess I made a mistake
A few if we add to the tally
If only people knew about how badly I wanted to have the kid we were contemplating
It's devastating
To know tthat we were mistaken
We had that talk like every other day
Nowadays if the topic comes up you probably celebrate
I am here if you need me
You used to be my basketball cheerleader
But if I don't play ball anymore I guess I won't need her, right?
The love's more unrequited than a shakesperian comedy if I had the chance I might just get up and leave
Used to give her my sweater her arms through the sleeves
I would pray silent vows to keep her with me
I wasn't the cutest guy most people know ima geek
So I'd understand why she'd romanti calmly ignore me
I am committed to my arts more than a choreographer to his movement
If I keep her in my mind I am bound to lose it
Everyone wants a piece of me
Like I am a bite sized meal
I used to be extraordinary like the color teal
I feel like my heart was ripped out so I put armor on so my soul
Can't escape now
My mind needs to be occupied
And even if I can't find
The same lines like I love you's then I don't mind
But I'll never have time
For I used it all up and I don't complain I'll just shut the fuck up
My mind body soul
All creatures of their own I don't need anymore help
I can see it in bold
That I must overcome
Stomaches  from bad lunch
That I need to get more sleep
Instead of staying up like a creep
That I need to keep myself before I lose myself
Prone to wreck myself
So I check myself
No ones fault but my own so never take the blame
In my eyes I'm ugly
Hunchback of norte dame
But she saw something in me
Now all I see is shame got my head hung down
Like a giraffe trying to eat leaves
But it's winter time so all that's left is grass
Get it?
It's like I'm losing my mind
Something I refuse to find
Even if she was mine
It was as inevitable
Like me and rhymes
Using time
Like a time keeper
Taking other souls
Like a grim reaper
Trying to feed the need for affection without showing mines
Felt like I could die
Oxygen levels depleting as I kept leaving her side
Last stand at least I tried
Life is a game and I don't play well , the same old
While I rant
It takes two to tango
But I can't dance
thank you 
I tried
And I know you read these
But this you don't need its for me so please don't feed off my emotions and begin to reply
On the inside it makes me cry as I do every morning
I started to get boring
I say the same things everyday no matter what's new
Didn't hang with my aunt
Because it'd bum her out to
So I guess my haters win and I lose one of the sevin famous L's
Given to me by you
Can't even curse ur name with sincerity
So I use the lyrical talent I hold to speak words that unfold in my heart its too late for expression
So who am I to tell it
Giving my lessons than a teacher
Surrounded with blessings
My eyes shoot up late at night instead of me doing the resting
It's like ima B+ student and I'm in advanced testing
Trying to get a good grade in a class that I always miss
My relationship is literally Mr in physics
Crazy isn't it?
Don't know why you're listening
I need some super christening
Some Jesus and god my do the trick
But I told her I was an atheist and if that's the case I stick to it
Did he use her for my sin atonement because if he did that's fuckedup shit probably tucked feelings away in his deep pockets
Walked off one day yelling " he had it" or maybe just a habit to not succeed with women important to Me
But now I see my heart was punctured and needed to bleed
And I desperately want things in place says my OCD I get uncontrollable when she took the lead
And I owe her some just dance she wanted to play it on the Wii
So many small things I remember that fly through my mind
In the windy weather and sometimes I see it as absurd how an awesome girl could fall I'm love with a nerd
My voice has been heard
My mood collected for the rest of my life
This isn't a call to regain my past wife
This is a call for her to have a nice life for I loved her with every inch , but piece of my heart this is the last stand before I constantly continue getting hurt